Let's blame it on the flu

Who is this air-headed girl and what has she done with Jonna? (and what's with the hat?!) 

Yesterday morning I woke up feeling everything but flash: feverish, pounding head, thick, sore throat and heavy eyes. Decided straight away to stay in bed.

That worked for about 20 minutes until I woke up again, and decided to get up. I was in no condition to attend my classes or even try to get on with my must-dos, so I simply parked myself in front of the TV and did something I rarely do: watched TV for 6 hours straight.

Like every other person on this planet (I assume) I hate being sick. I hate not having the energy to do stuff, to not be able to study, read or function like a normal, healthy person… but most of all, I hate not being able to exercise. Also, when I am sick my appetite becomes all weird. Suddenly nothing but chocolate tastes good (I think it is a girl thing?!).

So the day went as predicted: me, parked in front of the TV with a huge chocolate bar as my only company. Just when I was about to hit my 7th hour of useless TV watching, I looked at my mobile phone that showed “5th of May, 2pm” and for some reason, the date made me a bit thoughtful… Suddenly I was sure that there was something special about this date… something that I had promised myself not to forget. Something that I really, really had to do….

I thought and thought about it until it finally hit me.

Last day to sign up for June’s HSK exam. Today. Fifth of May.

Panic arrived in an instant. Last time there was an HSK opportunity I missed the sign up date with 2 weeks (!) and the office people almost shoved me out of their door when I came in (2 weeks after the final date), begging for them to still let me sign up for the exam. I couldn’t let the same thing happen this time.

I had a quick shower and felt a pang of guilt when I almost slipped on the chocolate bar wrap that I had gracefully thrown on the floor (is it only me who turns into a lazy, couch-potato-I-don’t-care-about-anything-anymore when I am sick? I strongly dislike this ‘sick’ character but I don’t know how to get rid of her?) So, as I put on some clothes, I decided that I might as well… walk to the university. Yup. Walk. Normally I ride my bike and that takes me around 10-15 minutes. Walking takes about 30 minutes (one way). But for some reason I convinced myself that a ‘little walk’ was just what I needed in order to feel better after such an un-productive day.

So off I went. I probably scared the sh** out of fellow pedestrians with my coughing, sneezing and panting… they were looking at me as if I was a carrier of the swine flu. But once I had started striding nothing could stop me, and within 30 minutes I had reached the university office.

-Hi, I panted when I came in, sweat running down my face. I would like to register for the HSK exam in June!

The Chinese woman typing at her computer flinched a bit when she looked up at me.

-Eh… I’m afraid that’s not possible today.

-What? Why not!? Oh no, don’t tell me? Am I too late?!

-Late?! Ehh…. No no. Well, the sign up date isn’t until May 18!

I looked at the woman. Was she joking? May 18? It couldn’t be? I mean, my brain had been so convinced that it was on May 5? Why would my brain just believe that? Why would I just get so hung up on a date unless it was somehow important?

-Like… listen. I know it is today! The last day to sign up is today, May 5! Please let me sign up! I tried.

The woman gave me a long look. I’m not sure I want to know what went through her head while she was looking at me: Red, watery eyes. Runny nose. Sweaty. Slightly swollen face. Greasy hair and un-made up face. Actually, as I was standing there trying to convince an office lady to let me sign up 2 weeks prior to the sign up date it hit me that I actually might come across as a bit of a freak. Whoops.

-The sign up date is on May 18, she said with a firm voice. So you can come back then!

I felt like a total idiot. Why on earth had my brain somehow thought it was today? Was the fever that high?!

-Like.. I was so sure it was on May 5th… is there something else important on today? I tried, partly to save some of my lost face.

-Eh… nothing that I know of… although… are you OK? She asked. You don’t look very… well.

-A flu… and then I walked here… I mumbled.

-Good exercise! She pointed out.

Yup. Sure was.

I walked all the way back home too where I finished another chocolate bar, feeling like one of the Biggest Idiots on Earth, constantly looking at the date on my phone and trying to remember what was so special about May 5.

Turns out, there wasn’t anything special. Or, if there was, I never remembered it. Today it is May 6 and I woke up feeling much better than yesterday (still got a cold but the throat is better and the fever seems to be gone). So say what you want about my little brain-less power walk, and my air-headed office stunt, but at least it kicked some of my flu!

Now I just have to make sure I kick the rumor of me being the HSK lunatic girl.

"It’s a man’s job to carry heavy things!" -enough said to get him to carry your handbag?

It started off as a friendly, yet mocking conversation between two western guys and a Chinese girl at a company. One of their visiting-from-overseas colleagues had just showed them a handbag that he had picked up for his girlfriend back home. While they praised his choice of handbag with moderate excitement, they started joking about it as soon as he turned them his back.

-You know, maybe that handbag wasn’t for his girlfriend after all? Said one guy.

-Hehe, no, maybe he’s been so inspired by all the Chinese men he has seen carrying around handbags that he decided to get one for himself? Said the other guy.

-It is definitely his color! Said the Chinese girl.

They all laughed heartily together.

-But actually… what’s that whole thing about men carrying their women’s handbags here in China? Asked one of the guys once they had calmed down. Why don’t you carry your own purse?

The girl gave him a startled look, obviously hinting that he'd just asked a very stupid question. 

-Because it’s heavy! she said.

-Heavy? But it’s your own stuff? Why do you have to carry with you so much stuff that your bag is too heavy for you to carry on your own?

-It’s a man’s job to carry heavy things!

-But like.. when you buy your handbag, don’t you then pick and match it after what you are wearing that very day?

Silence from the girl.

-Isn’t the bag… like… a part of your outfit?

-You guys just don’t get it. The man should carry the woman’s bag. It’s his job.

Angrily, the woman strutted off.

End of story. 

However, when I tried the same argument meanwhile handing my boyfriend my pink little clutch he rejected it as if it was poison. Regardless of how ‘heavy’ I thought it was.

How do the girls down here do it?! Like, seriously?

Western restaurants in Suzhou

Sticking to Chinese restaurants in Suzhou saves you the disappointment  (as well as some kuais!) 

What a weekend!! I’ve been doing everything but surfing the net, just the way it should be (don’t get me wrong, I love blogging and writing but I tend to spend too much time in front of my computer every day already, so when I can get away from it during the weekends I see it as a good thing!).

Friday’s brunch was outstanding. Everyone drank too much except for me. I ate too much. Oh well. No one (including me) was surprised.

I rarely eat at western restaurants here in Suzhou, mainly because I don’t think there are any good ones in (I prefer to make my own western food if I get cravings). This weekend, however, we made an exception and went to a restaurant at Suzhou’s rainbow walk. One of the reasons why I don’t like most of the western restaurants here in Suzhou is because the service is normally quite poor. When the staff at a western restaurant sees that you are a laowai, they refuse to speak Chinese with you and as a result… everything goes wrong, wrong, wrong.

Another reason why I don’t like western restaurants here is because they are quite often extremely overpriced! For the money you pay at a western restaurant here in Suzhou you can eat five times at a Chinese one. Worth thinking about.

Anyways. Our weekend-dining-experience was yet another reminder why we should continue cooking our own food. I ordered an apple pie (45 yuan -one of those ready-made pies that come straight form the freezer) that came with a tiny bit of cream. I don’t like cream, so I asked for some vanilla ice cream instead.

-You want to order some extra ice cream? Asked the waitress.

-Yes please. Some vanilla ice cream please.

-OK no problem!

Then we waited. And waited. And waited. Twenty minutes (!) went by and I asked about my ice cream twice.

-Oh, they are making it! Said the waitress.

Sure they are. Making vanilla ice cream from scratch. I don't think so. 

Finally on waiter appeared, carrying a plate with one single scoop of strawberry ice cream.

-Eh… I ordered vanilla! I said, slightly annoyed.

-Oh I am so sorry! He said.

Another five minutes went by. Then another waiter came with the SAME plate of (slightly melted) strawberry ice cream and put it on our table.

-Here’s your ice cream!

-But… like.. what the… I’ve already sent this back. I ordered vanilla ice cream.

-Oh!! I am so sorry!

Ten minutes later the single scoop of icy and lumpy vanilla ice cream came (15 yuan). By then, our pie had gone very cold. And the whole experience wasn’t that great anymore.

Like I said, no point eating out when it only makes you annoyed.

(we had to wait another 30 minutes for the bill too but that’s another story).

It occurred to me when I sat there that it’s actually not the staff’s fault. They obviously didn’t know the difference between vanilla and strawberry, because no one has trained them. Which makes me think of Starbucks in China… I don’t know about the staff’s English in general, because I rarely speak to them about the weather, but one thing is for sure, they almost always get you order right. Ask them for low fat milk, extra this and none of that and you’ll get it. If they mess it up they’ll re-make your coffee, or upgrade you for free… I know they have some sort of Starbuck’s manual/training program that they have to go through before they start working there, and I wonder why more western restaurants aren’t going for the same thing? Is it because of the owner’s lack of China experience, or is it because of plain laziness? Because seriously, they cannot honestly believe that adding an extra amount of 10 staff that don’t know the difference between vanilla and strawberry are going to make things better, can they? Or maybe they can.

Cheaper and tastier!

Happy May holiday!

Summer is in the air! 

Gorgeous day here in Suzhou! Since it’s a public holiday I let myself sleep until 7am when I got up and went for a morning run. Although it was stunning out there I realized that 7am for running is almost a bit too late. It was getting quite warm towards the end (the windy weather made it bearable though) and also, the streets were a bit too crowded (Chinese people sure are early risers!) for my taste. I guess I have to stick to the 5.30am routine in the future.

Since April 30 is a bit of a big thing in Scandinavian countries (called Valborg, Vappu, glada vappen depending on in which Scandinavian country you are) we today are going to celebrate that (one day later) with brunch at the German, five-star hotel Kempinski hotel. My boyfriend’s company is forking the bill, so thanks for that! I’ve already had their brunch once and it is truly amazing… especially the desert section! With last night’s + this morning’s run I’ve also made sure to make a lot of room for guilt-free indulgence.

Wishing you all a wonderful long weekend, apparently it’s supposed to rain tomorrow so I’ll make sure to soak up some sun today.

Yum!!!  

Motivation gone missing

My mind is everywhere but where it should be

We are having mid-term exams this week at Suzhou uni. Although to me it only means 2 exams (in listening and writing) because in our other courses we have exams after every 3/5 chapters (I prefer that one! Even though it means that we are always having some sort of exam).

This semester has probably been the most boring one I’ve done this far, and the one to blame for that is no one but myself. I’ve lost most of my ‘studying Chinese motivation’ –don’t ask me why, I just have, and that makes going to class quite dull. For the last few months I feel as if I haven’t learned anything new. Of course I have, although it really feels as if my learning curve has slowed down/stopped and even gone downwards a bit. I guess it’s always like this when learning a new language though… first you feel like you are learning a lot, then you are not getting anywhere for a while until it kick-starts again. So it's all normal. Still, I would lie if I said it doesn't bothers me.

My radio is working like a champ although it feels as if it’s impossible to find a radio channel that actually plays music here in China. It’s just "blab la blab la blab la bla…." Talk, talk, talk. Constantly, non-stop. Well, actually, it’s good, because that’s what I need to practice on listening to, but in the long run it would be nice with some music breaks to make the listening experience a little bit more enjoyable. What I do now is turn the radio off every 10 minutes to give my bleeding ears a break.

Yesterday we had a test-HSK-listening exam and I was surprised of how well I did! It’s funny at these tests. You are sitting there, listening, filling in the answers, thinking to yourself that ‘bloody hell, I know nothing!’ and then when you go through the answers with the teacher you realize that you have scored something like 80% (which is more than enough for me to be happy about!). So basically you DO know most of the stuff, although you think you don’t? Ah… well, at least better than not knowing at all!

I was surprised of how rude one of the Ou-Mei (western) student in my HSK class was yesterday. After our listening test, which we all did OK at, the teacher said that she felt very happy that we all had improved our listening skills. Then the one guy goes:

-Well, the fact that we have improved our skills have got nothing to do with you!

And the teacher was just like….:

-Ehhh, no… well.. I just said I feel happy for you guys. Seeing that I am your listening teacher and care about your listening progress.

(I guess he’s one of those who might not have improved seeing he seems so sour about it).

The next HSK test is on June 21 and this time I am not going to forget about signing up. But motivation, oh, where art thou!?! I wouldn’t mind feeling a little bit more happy about learning Chinese at the moment, and not as if it was ‘something I have to get over with.’

Now, off to an essay writing exam. My favorite. Not. Whoever invented electronic dictionaries is a genius. 

Where everybody knows your name

Sometimes it's quite nice to be an alien...

When I like places (restaurants, hairdressers, spas, cafes, bike shops, pubs…) I always go back. Over the years I’ve been a regular at quite a few places in London, Finland, Australia and China but I’ve never been recognized as often as here in China. Just the other day when I went to my favorite Sichuan restaurant with one of my Chinese friends. The hostesses greeted me with big smiles, and told my Chinese friend that: “that xiaojie you are with comes here very often!” Once we sat down to order the waiter came over and asked me if I wanted to have the mapu tofu, ‘just like last time.’ Big smile here too. My friend was impressed.

-You come here every day Jonna?!

-Eh… no, maybe every second week or so?

-Doesn’t look like it.

Well, I guess there are some cons with being the blonde alien in a Chinese town after all.

The funniest experience, however, I’ve had at the gym. I’ve been going there for more than one year now, and although I’ve become good friends with a lot of the male personal trainers, there has always been a chillier atmosphere between me and the reception girls.

Until one recent visit. I took the elevator up and was greeted by three smiling girls behind the counter. When one of them saw me she said:

-Oh! It’s You Na!!!

Everyone’s smiles became even larger.

-Ehhh, hello! I replied, feeling a bit awkward.

The next day two girls said:

-You Na!! Hello! When I came in, smiling as if there was no tomorrow.

Since then it has snowballed into a line of reception girls, chanting ‘You Na! You Na!’ every time I make an appearance.

Yesterday I realized that my lock was broken and had to buy a new one. I asked in the reception, and was sent over to another counter.

-Hey, You Na is coming she wants to buy a lock!!! The girl yelled to the girls at the other counter... that of course greeted me with a big smile and a:

-Hi You Na!! What kind of lock do you want?!

I was kind of overwhelmed and picked the first lock she showed me, before I asked:

-Just tell me.. why do you all suddenly know my name?

The girl giggled.

-Oh we think your name is so beautiful!!

-Oh… eh, thanks! It’s a Chinese guy who picked it for me. It’s similar to my Swedish name.

-It’s a beautiful name!

(first time I’ve been told that! I always thought my name was a kind of simple -sounds-like-Jonna-option that my previous Chinese boss settled for)

-OK, thanks!

-And also.. we are all very curious about you!!!

-Curious? About what?

-About you!

-Eh.. OK! Eh… well, OK thanks then! I really didn’t know what else to say, grabbed my lock, smiled and walked away.

When I later left that day the line of girls sang: ‘Bye Bye You Na!!!’ even doing the old hand-wave, making me leave with a big smile on my face.

What a contrast to the crappy customer service I got at Carrefour the other day! This beats all previous ‘regular’ treatment I’ve ever gotten before!

Chinese compromising

A cheap home-gym according to Wang

I thought I’d start this sunny day by sharing a story about my Chinese friends and that time when they were going to start exercising. To make the writing a bit smoother we can call the girl Yang and the guy Wang. Yang is a lovely girl in her mid-twenties from Yunnan, and Wang is a nice guy in his mid-twenties from Harbin.

It started somewhere during the early spring. Wang kept telling Yang that she should lose some weight. I personally don’t understand why, because she’s already very, very thin, but obviously there ain’t no such thing as ‘being too thin’ here in China. Rather, the more visible ribs the better.

Wang kept mocking Yang who kept complaining to me, telling me about obscure diets and days where she would only eat apples.

-Stop that stuff and come and visit the gym instead, I suggested.

-Ehh… I don’t like training. I don’t want muscles, Yang responded.

-Well trust me, you are not going to get loads of muscles if you just go once or twice a week. It’s healthier than starving yourself anyways, come on, give it a try!

Yang decided to take my advice and joined her local gym. After some weeks of hesitation she’d worked up enough guts to ask the personal trainers to make her a program, and before you knew it she was working out 3 times a week –and loving it.

In fact, she loved it so much that she asked her boyfriend Wang to join her.

Now, some notes about Wang. He’s a very traditional Chinese man. He’s that kind of guy who believes that house chores are stuff that women should take care off, meanwhile he’s playing his computer games. When Yang suggested he’d come with her to the gym, he frowned and said no.

But Yang nagged and nagged (apparently she’d seen many other guys working out and was keen to get her own man to abandon the couch and maybe get a bit fitter at the same time) and in the end, Wang finally gave in and promised to join her at the gym for two weeks.

For two weeks straight they were sweating and panting, running on the treadmills and lifting free weights. Yang was over the moon.

After two weeks Wang threw in his towel. Said he’d now given the gym an honest try and that he thought it was ridiculous and stupid and that he was never to return again. He also thought it was a waste of money.

Yang wasn’t happy with her man’s decision but it didn’t matter what she said –Wang could think of millions of reasons why he wasn’t to return to the gym.

One day when Yang came home she found her lovely Wang in the kitchen, lifting a table up and down.

-What are you doing? She asked.

-Working out! He said. I figured that if I have to burn my energy I want to burn it on something that’s worthwhile. See, I can lift this one too! (He lifted a chair), and this one! (picked up a pile of books). And look what I made you!

He showed her a box that he had filled up with heavy stuff.

-This one you can carry with your left hand while you are standing at the stove making dinner. When you get tired you simply swap hands! Then you get your work out at the same time as you are doing something useful!

Yang was speechless. She couldn’t deny the fact that her boyfriend had a point, but she would have still preferred him joining him to the gym once or twice a week.

-What about you then? She said and pointed at his belly. How are you going to get fit?

Wang’s lacking fitness was a lingering question for a while, until one day when he turned up outside the gym with his bike. Yang was just leaving (catching a bus) and was surprised to see her boyfriend there.

-Are you here to exercise? She said, with hope in her voice.

-No, I am here to pick you up. In that way, we save on the bus fare, I know you get home safely AND I get some exercise at the same time.

Yang couldn’t protest. And from that day onwards, Wang always picks her up from the gym with his bike.

As for the cooking/weight lifting…. It didn’t really happen as I believe Yang more or less refused. Although according to Yang, Wang is still trying to think of house chores for her that are more physically challenging. 

-In order to use the energy you want to burn for something good! he says.

I say nothing.