Relax AND talk at the same time? I'm not that talented yet

I got a message from my friend Willing (Indonesian girl that everyone thinks is Chinese) the other day asking me if I wanted to join her and her friend Nan Nan (Japanese-Brazilian) for an afternoon of a 3 hour spa treatment (1 hour oil massage, 1 hour facial and 1 hour foot massage for 120 kuai -about 12 euros). Sure I did!

"Just one thing Jonna, you cannot talk to the beauticians, OK?" popped up on my mobile screen after I'd gladly accepted the invite.

"Eh, sure?!" I replied.

At the day of the indulgence, I met up with Willing and Nan Nan 15 minutes prior to our appointment.

-Jonna, now remember. No talking to the beauticians! I know you like to talk, Nan Nan said.

-Sure, but.. like.. what's the big deal!? Can I like... tell them that my back hurts and stuff? I asked. (I don't talk THAT much, do I?!)

-Sure you can. Anything related to the treatment you can talk about. But no small talk about where you are from or what you are doing in China. Last time we were there (Nan Nan has a membership card at the spa, hence why the fee was so cheap for a 3-hour treatment) we did the mistake of answering their questions and as a result they talked to us, non-stop, throughout the whole treatment. Three hours of talking! THREE HOURS! At the end I actually asked them to be quiet as I wanted to relax but they just wouldn't shut up!

-Oh, I see...

-Yeah, so no talking, OK?

-You've got it. No talking.

We went into the spa and were showed into our room. Three pretty beauticians introduced themselves to us and told us about today's treatment. I nodded to everything they said, getting into my character of a quiet spa-goer.

Soon we were all lying on the massage benches, faces down, getting oil rubbed onto our backs.

-Mei nu (literally means: beautiful woman), mei nu... your skin is very dry! My beautician suddenly said.

-Mmmhmm... I mumbled back.

-Mei nu, mei nu... you should take better care of your skin... bla bla bla bla... and off she went. I felt a pang of guilt. I'd only said 'mmhmm' but she went on and on? Gosh. maybe even a 'mmhmm' was too much?

-Mei nu, where are you from? the beautician said. I pretended I didn't hear her.

-Mei nu, how long have you been to China?

-Mei nu how often do you go to spas?

-Mei nu, mei nu, came again. Gosh, this was starting to feel a bit strange.

-Yes? I said and lifted my head.

-Oh, we are not talking to you but to your friend! Said the girl rubbing Willing's back. Whoops.

After 10 minutes I had heard enough to establish a few things:

1. Willing and Nan Nan were right. These girls were talking non-stop, no matter if we replied to their questions or not.

2. We were all referred to as 'mei nu' making it a bit confusing to understand who they were actually talking to.

3. My skin was super dry, all my birthmarks were really bad and oh, did I mention that all in all, my skin was BAD?!

30 minutes later we were told to turn around. And in came the big boss.

-HELLOOOOOOOO LAO WAISSSSSS!! she gushed (apparently she knew my 2 friends from their last visit). Willing and Nan Nan barely replied.

But it was me she was interested in.

-Oh such a tall, while girl, where are you from? She sat down next to my bench and I simply, couldn't NOT answer her. 

-Sweden, I whispered.

-Oh Sweden.. that's in Europe right?! Oh, I've always wanted to go to France! Oh, I have heard that France is so... bla bla bla bla bla....

And that was it. Thirty minutes later the massage was over and the facial was about to begin and the lady was still talking. She had gone from telling me she wanted to visit France to that she really wanted to learn English and that she envied me that could speak three different languages... Even though my replies were minimal she just kept talking and talking.

-I probably shouldn't talk now seeing that I am getting a face mask, I said

-Oh, that doesn't matter! Said the lady. You can talk despite the mask.

-But I want to relax... I tried.

-Of COURSE you should relax! But you can relax and talk at the same time, can't you?

Useless. It didn't matter that I went from answering her questions to just mumbling 'mmmm' or 'yeah that's right' at times, she still went on, and on, and on... keeping her face extremely close to mine, giving me compliments for my 'big eyes', 'bright skin' ('although I wouldn't want your big nose.. hahahah!' -well, it's not for sale!), and 'golden hair.'

Once the facial was finally over and we all got up to get dressed and go downstairs for our foot massage, I shot Willing and Nan Nan an apologetic look, saying 'I couldn't stop her!?' with my eyes.

-It's OK, Nan Nan said. I can tell you made an effort. Next time we'll all just bring earplugs.