What's considered as embarrassing yourself?

HHH public 'ridicule runner's ceremony' -only embarrassing if the boss is watching?

Yesterday, fellow blogger ’Woai’ wrote about losing face, and situations in Shanghai where the Chinese seem to take the concept to ridiculous extremes. It is funny this whole thing with losing face, because I find it a little bit contradictive. Before when I was working here I used to interview a lot of foreign CEOs and they all told me that ‘here in China, you really have to pay attention to that you don’t accidently make one of your employees lose face. For instance, if s/he comes with a somewhat stupid idea during a meeting, you should not ridicule the idea in front of the whole team of employees, but rather take him/her aside and tell her.’

Yeah, sure so this is all very clear to me. Chinese people should not be ridiculed in front of others (actually, who would NOT mind that??!), but then my question is, how can there be such a difference between losing face when being ridiculed by others and losing face when ridiculing yourself?

The other day at the gym I stepped into the stretching room and sat down on a yoga mat to do some stretching. Behind me, a young Chinese girl got clearly annoyed as she was using the mirror that I had sat down in front of. I didn’t care, it is a small room and not so much space, and obviously, neither did she, because moments later she started dancing.

Dancing is great. I love it too. Although I normally do it at clubs and stuff, or, (if I am really keen) at home in front of the mirror. This girl, however, was listening to her ipod, so only she could hear the music, and doing some pretty daring moves in front of the mirror… (ever seen a music video of ‘The Pussycat dolls’? Well, if so, you get an idea). It started with some sexy hip swinging, some pole grabbing and pirouettes, but soon she was down on the floor, crawling towards the mirror (she crawled passed me), with the whole mouth pouting and some (attempted) sexy look going on. Seeing that I was also seated in front of the mirror I had to look somewhere else not to bust out laughing. I don’t know if it was the over-the-top, ‘sexy’ dancing or if it was the fact that she was doing all these moves to music that only she could hear that I found so hilarious, but seriously –it just looked so silly?! (being all polite, however, I would never laugh out loud… it’s just not in my upbringing to point, stare or laugh at others).

The girl didn’t care what-so-ever (I guess that I should add that she wasn't any 'star' dancer). She got up on her legs again, grabbed a ‘pole’ (in fact an exercise pole attached to the wall, I think it is supposed to be used as a stretching tool) and continued her sexy performance. It wasn’t just her and I in the stretching room, but also a bunch of guys, some watching her with interest and some who didn’t care at all. When I left 20 minutes later she was STILL swinging herself around, hugging poles and crawling on the floor. I've got to give her some credit for not caring about what other people think –and applaud her for the fact that she got quite an exercise session out of this!

Don’t get me wrong here –I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dancing. But I would never do what that girl did out in the public. I would find it completely embarrassing to even be caught dancing to music in my ipod that I can hear but everyone else is oblivious to. To then add some (attempted) sexy pouting, crawling on the floor, and pole grinding…. Oh lord, just thinking about it makes my face turn red!

My point is –what’s the whole deal with losing face over here? Is it only other people that can make you lose face? What about yourself? Where do you draw the limit of what is embarrassing and not? How can pretending to be a Pussycat doll at a public place not be considered as embarrassing as getting your idea ridiculed by your boss? It is still happening in front of other people? And I reckon crawling around on the floor definitely puts yourself out there much more than opening your mouth and sharing a (stupid or not so stupid) idea does? Or is that just me?

When's the novelty of running going to wear off?

Perfectly normal

Saturday came with some much-needed, wonderful sun here in Suzhou and I went for an even more-needed jog around the blocks. As usual, I got a lot of unwanted attention: cars that didn’t wanna cross the street but instead kept insisting on driving next to me, while the men yelled ‘hellooooo!’ from the window, the ‘what the f*** are you doing, sweating is NOT okay for a girl’ –eye from the well-dressed, petite girls in heels and the usual pointing and staring from some pedestrians. However, it wasn’t until I came running down a smaller hill and saw three men in suits waiting for a taxi, when things got interesting. I could tell straight away that something was up. When they spotted me they got almost childishly excited, started pushing each other, nodding and pointing.

And very well. When I ran past, one of the men started running next to me. Although he wasn’t running normally, no. He was doing this sort of heavy bear-running style, huffing and puffing and swinging his briefcase in the air (as a result of him waving frantically with his arms –I am actually not quite sure what he was trying, I've never seen anyone run like that ever before)?! I understood that it was supposed to be a joke, and his cool suit-friends (middle-aged, Chinese men) looked as if they were about to pee in their pants of laughter. I am just wondering who they were laughing at? Me, running there, all normal, not even caring about them or him, a man in his late 30-ies, in a suit, fancy shoes and who is running next to me?

I still don’t quite get the novelty of running here in China. Fair enough if I came on roller skies, or even a skateboard (not so usual I assume)? But come on –running?! The most universal form of exercise there is? Everyone knows it is good for you? Chinese people must know that too? It’s not like they are totally lost when it comes to sport (even though ‘exercise’ is a quite new concept over here, I know I know, no need to point that out to me) –just look at their performance during the Beijing Olympics last year?! And the few races I have participated in here in China have been jam-packed with Chinese people? Still, WHY is it so special to see a laowai breaking some sweat?! I think I will continue wonder until I die.

I wonder if it is the same for guys running here in China. Or if it is a little bit special if you are a jogging girl? Or maybe I am just unlucky, constantly bumping into the wrong people every time I decide to go for a run?

I cannot wait for some important doctor to go on national TV and tell everyone that ‘running is good for you’ (just like ‘opening the window is good for you as we need the fresh air’, or that ‘shopping burns calories’, or that ‘tampons are very unhealthy for girls’). What is he waiting for –come on!! Go on, tell people it is normal. 

(One funny thing is that at the gym where I go, the treadmills are always in use. People use them for jogging and walking. And there's nothing strange with that. But running outside? Not OK? Maybe it's considered bad to be seen sweating in public? Is it some kind of 'losing face'-thing that I have totally missed? If so, things would make a little bit of sense) 

Blogging in Chinese -first attempt

A lot of people have told me I should start blogging in Chinese. I am reluctant to this because of many reasons, where the main ones are: 1. My written Chinese is so bad that it is embarrassing (after 1.5 years of university studies I still write very simple sentences), 2. It would take me ages to write a Chinese blog post every day. 3. I believe a majority of you blog readers cannot read Chinese? And 4. (this is a shallow one!) I am not sure if I could handle all the critique from everyone reading my Chinese writings saying 'this suuuuucks!'. 

But then again, life is all about putting yourself out there and learning how to deal with difficult situations, right? If life was all sugar sweat it wouldn't be any fun. Also, maybe everyone's criticism can help me develop my Chinese writing skills, and/or if nothing else, at least give me some thicker skin (when it comes to learning this language). So, I've decided to give you all an example of what one of my Chinese blog posts could look like. It's in fact one of my homework essays. Every week we are asked to write at least 2 essays (in different classes) and hand in. The topics varies. In this essay below the idea was to write about a friend of ours who has some strange/special habits. 

For all of you who cannot read Chinese, you are not missing out on any sort of master piece. This is simply a very simplistic tale about my friend Tess, who (since she was a kid) has had this kind of crazy appetite and basically eats 24-7 (no, no, I promise, it is NOT about me, really, it is about HER!), and despite her eating more than 5 grown up men (in a day), she's still stick thin and always hungry. When I typed it up on the computer I realized that it actually IS quite a good way to practice my Chinese writing skills... so who knows, maybe eventually, when I feel more comfortable about writing in Chinese, I will start an additional blog, all in Chinese (although that one I wouldn't be able to update as often as this one, obviously!). 

know I still have a looooong way to go before I can compose something read-worthy in Chinese, but hey, you have to start somewhere, right? 

我的很特别的朋友。

我有一个朋友， 吃什么都特别有意思。因为她老饿，而总是需要吃饭。你可能觉得 ”一直很饿的人没有怎么特别，” 但让我告诉你: 这个朋友的吃饭习惯很糟糕！

她很喜欢睡懒觉。 她的床旁边有一张桌子， 桌子上至少有三个小吃。 小吃一般是比较甜的东西， 比如: 蛋糕， 薄脆饼干糖果，等等。。。 每天早上她吃得比较少。她自己觉得是因为不喜欢吃早饭。 我认为是因为她在夜里已经吃了好多了！

到十点以前她都吃得很少。但十点后， 她得食欲越来越好了。 那时她经常会去买一个快餐，但半个小时后她又饿了。虽然我对她说: ”你应该要吃好的菜， 比如面包， 面条， 等等，” 但她并不听我。反而， 常常去买巧克力。

午饭的时候， 她更希望去麦当劳吃饭。我们都知道麦当劳的饭对身体的坏处，所以一般没有人愿意陪她去。午饭后她马上就打算去哪儿吃晚饭。在一个下午一直在吃小吃。 晚饭经常去外地吃饭， 或在家里做土豆跟肉丸 （瑞典的特色菜）。 她的食欲天天如此。 可她的身体从小到现在再也没有变化。

你看这篇文章可能会想 ”怎么， 你的朋友吃甜的东西， 很多人跟她一样。”但你还不知道， 尽管我的朋友爱吃饭，但她很瘦。 她比我瘦。比中国女孩瘦。不管怎么样吃， 她都不会增加体重。她每天吃的东西比男人吃的东西还多。但她的比较特别的食欲不会影响她的身材。

我们都很羡慕她。我天天吃的东西比较好，而且经常去健身房锻炼身体。如果我每天吃的东西跟她一样我马上会肥胖。 生活真不公平啊。。。

有一天我问我的朋友: ”你在生活上最怕什么？” 她的回答让我很吃惊。她说: ”我最怕增加体重。要是我胖的话 没有办法， 我一点也不知道如何减肥。 而且，我很讨厌锻炼身体。”

她说这样的话让我笑。 我们的生活真不一样， 这会让生活更有意思。

And here she is, the eater, the legend: Tess (second from left). This is an old photo taken from when I visited her in London 2005.


 

Photo special: Changsha locals and wet market

Like always when I photograph I was drawn to the cute Chinese children of Changsha. Taking photos of food/ street vendors is another weakness of mine, as you might have noticed... (see that cookie stall? Guess who tried EVERY SINGLE cookie they had before she bought herself some... yup, I have a bit of a sweet tooth!). I guess you guys are sick of reading about Changsha now... well well, I promise to give you all a bit of a Changsha-break before I start nagging about how wonderful it was again. Although one thing is for sure -I am definitely going back to Hunan (preferably some other part next time) before I leave China. 

More about my trip to Changsha here. Have a great weekend everyone! 

Gassy room? No problem...

The Hunan Civil Aviation Hotel in Changsha is the first hotel I've ever stayed at offering their guests a 200 yuan gas mask. When we found it, we didn't know if we should be scared or relieved. Although one of us was tempted to make a purchase (claiming she wanted to bring it back to Shanghai as a 'unique Changsha souvenir') we talked her out and we ended up leaving it where we found it, and where I hope it will be found for the next few years (in fact, I wonder how old it is already?) 

Anyone know if this is a China hotel standard? Gas mask next to the minibar?

Yet another nickname

先是跑步女，然后是跳绳女。。。然后什么？ First running girl, then skipping girl.. what's next?

Yesterday at the gym I couldn’t find neither Rocky nor Frank when I first arrived, so I asked for them in the reception.

-Oh, they are not here, they have gone for dinner, said the guy I asked.

OK I thought and went to the changing room to change. Five minutes later I heard Rocky call ‘You La, You Laaaaaa!’ from outside the changing room. I quickly changed and went out to him, handing over the photos. Oh, and when I came out I bumped into Frank too.

-You guys are not out for dinner?

-No… I am having a lesson right now and Frank has been here all the time. We are not going to go out for dinner today, we are going to eat later in the backroom.

(Got to love how some Chinese people answer you when they don’t know the answer to your question: they just make something up!)

We all went into the stretching room where Rocky’s customer (a Taiwanese girl) was patiently waiting. When she saw me she went:

-你是跳绳女，是不是？ Ah, you’re the skipping rope girl!!!

-Eh, I am?

-Yes! Always skipping! Me and my friends call you skipping girl!

-Righty.

(So I am You La in Hunan, Skipping girl at the gym, Fat girl in some Chinese people’s eyes, Big feet in Shanghai’s shoe shops, and Running girl at my university. –Wow, I am rather impressed. I’ve never had a real ‘nickname.’)

We looked at all the photos, which they loved (yey!) and they were all rolling on the floor laughing when I tried to imitate the dialect that the older people had spoken.

They also found it very interesting that I had photographed a lot of people that we met on the street and that I didn’t know. They kept asking me:

-Who’s that person, who’s she, who’s he?

And I was just like:

-Eh… I don’t know. He’s just someone. And those people were just walking on the street… ehhh, I don’t know?

-So why did you photograph them?

-Ehhhh....

(yeah good question? Because they went so well with the background?! Gosh, I don’t even know myself!)

All in all it was a hit though, and now I am going to prepare the package for the family Yang in Hunan. Thanks for all of your advices! I will probably add some chocolate (wrapped in red), some cosmetic, maybe a package of snus (Swedish substitute to cigarettes –the dad smokes), and a letter. I am also going to ask Frank and Rock if I can take some photos of them at work, that I can send to their families. I bet the family would really appreciate that (although I guess if I walk around the gym with a camera I will become ‘camera girl’

Gift manners in China

Giving gifts in China isn't really like it is back home...

Rocky and his cousin Frank (who both work at the gym where I go) have been behaving like total kids some days before Xmas. Every time they see me at the gym they come running towards me: “You Na, You La! Have you developed the photos from our hometown yet? Have you, have you?!” Up until now I hadn’t but yesterday I finally got myself together and went to the shop and developed 50 photos each for them. When they first heard about this they got both excited and surprised, asking me why I would give them 50 EACH?

“Well maybe you won’t always be in the same city in the future and then it is nice for you to have your own photos, right?!”

“Ohhhhh!”

I think somewhere around there I turned into a saint in their eyes. Anyways, I am giving them some photos this afternoon and then I am also mailing some photos to the family in Shuang Xi. I was thinking about making a nice little gift package, kind of as a ‘thank you for your hospitality and for showing me your beautiful village’ –gesture, although I am not quite sure what to put in the package? It’s fairly easy to get something for Rocky’s sister, Yang Niu… Some CDs, a cute, girly t-shirt and maybe a thin English book (she wants to learn English), but what do I put in for the mom, dad, grandma and grandpa? Any suggestions?

I always find it tricky to buy gifts for Chinese people. The gift-culture over here is so completely different to back in Europe. In China you mainly give each other money (hong baos) in red envelopes on big occasions like weddings, CNY or during the national holiday. As for gifts, I have been told that fruits, snacks, bai jiu or chocolate is OK to bring if going over to a Chinese family for dinner (we gave Rocky’s family a large bag of cookies during our visit) but I don’t know… it feels so… simple to just give some cookies bought from the bakery?

Also, I find it hard to know what gifts are really appreciated over here because in China, you don’t open the gift in front of the hosts eyes (like we do back home, and go ‘ohhhhhh! Thank you soooo much, but really, you shouldn’t have!’ to show your appreciation) but rather, you put them to the side and open them after the guest have left. When me and my bf first came here and were supposed to meet with a friend of a friend in Shanghai (who was going to help us find a flat) that we had never met before. Too show our appreciation we brought some expensive Finnish glass candle holder (Iittala) and some Finnish snacks, but when we handed it over, the girl almost looked trouble, said ‘thanks’ and just put it to the side. We felt kind of blown-off, although of course I later learned that that’s just the way you do things here.

Anyways, if anyone has any good gift ideas (maybe you have given something to a Chinese friend before that has been really appreciated? Or maybe it has gone the complete opposite way? Share!!) that I can put in a package and send with the mail, please feel free to share. It obviously cannot be anything too over-the-top or too extravagant, but rather something small as a gesture to say thank you (oh, and I will also write a letter in Chinese. Now that’s going to be a challenge because my character handwriting is terrible!).