Relax AND talk at the same time? I'm not that talented yet

I got a message from my friend Willing (Indonesian girl that everyone thinks is Chinese) the other day asking me if I wanted to join her and her friend Nan Nan (Japanese-Brazilian) for an afternoon of a 3 hour spa treatment (1 hour oil massage, 1 hour facial and 1 hour foot massage for 120 kuai -about 12 euros). Sure I did!

"Just one thing Jonna, you cannot talk to the beauticians, OK?" popped up on my mobile screen after I'd gladly accepted the invite.

"Eh, sure?!" I replied.

At the day of the indulgence, I met up with Willing and Nan Nan 15 minutes prior to our appointment.

-Jonna, now remember. No talking to the beauticians! I know you like to talk, Nan Nan said.

-Sure, but.. like.. what's the big deal!? Can I like... tell them that my back hurts and stuff? I asked. (I don't talk THAT much, do I?!)

-Sure you can. Anything related to the treatment you can talk about. But no small talk about where you are from or what you are doing in China. Last time we were there (Nan Nan has a membership card at the spa, hence why the fee was so cheap for a 3-hour treatment) we did the mistake of answering their questions and as a result they talked to us, non-stop, throughout the whole treatment. Three hours of talking! THREE HOURS! At the end I actually asked them to be quiet as I wanted to relax but they just wouldn't shut up!

-Oh, I see...

-Yeah, so no talking, OK?

-You've got it. No talking.

We went into the spa and were showed into our room. Three pretty beauticians introduced themselves to us and told us about today's treatment. I nodded to everything they said, getting into my character of a quiet spa-goer.

Soon we were all lying on the massage benches, faces down, getting oil rubbed onto our backs.

-Mei nu (literally means: beautiful woman), mei nu... your skin is very dry! My beautician suddenly said.

-Mmmhmm... I mumbled back.

-Mei nu, mei nu... you should take better care of your skin... bla bla bla bla... and off she went. I felt a pang of guilt. I'd only said 'mmhmm' but she went on and on? Gosh. maybe even a 'mmhmm' was too much?

-Mei nu, where are you from? the beautician said. I pretended I didn't hear her.

-Mei nu, how long have you been to China?

-Mei nu how often do you go to spas?

-Mei nu, mei nu, came again. Gosh, this was starting to feel a bit strange.

-Yes? I said and lifted my head.

-Oh, we are not talking to you but to your friend! Said the girl rubbing Willing's back. Whoops.

After 10 minutes I had heard enough to establish a few things:

1. Willing and Nan Nan were right. These girls were talking non-stop, no matter if we replied to their questions or not.

2. We were all referred to as 'mei nu' making it a bit confusing to understand who they were actually talking to.

3. My skin was super dry, all my birthmarks were really bad and oh, did I mention that all in all, my skin was BAD?!

30 minutes later we were told to turn around. And in came the big boss.

-HELLOOOOOOOO LAO WAISSSSSS!! she gushed (apparently she knew my 2 friends from their last visit). Willing and Nan Nan barely replied.

But it was me she was interested in.

-Oh such a tall, while girl, where are you from? She sat down next to my bench and I simply, couldn't NOT answer her. 

-Sweden, I whispered.

-Oh Sweden.. that's in Europe right?! Oh, I've always wanted to go to France! Oh, I have heard that France is so... bla bla bla bla bla....

And that was it. Thirty minutes later the massage was over and the facial was about to begin and the lady was still talking. She had gone from telling me she wanted to visit France to that she really wanted to learn English and that she envied me that could speak three different languages... Even though my replies were minimal she just kept talking and talking.

-I probably shouldn't talk now seeing that I am getting a face mask, I said

-Oh, that doesn't matter! Said the lady. You can talk despite the mask.

-But I want to relax... I tried.

-Of COURSE you should relax! But you can relax and talk at the same time, can't you?

Useless. It didn't matter that I went from answering her questions to just mumbling 'mmmm' or 'yeah that's right' at times, she still went on, and on, and on... keeping her face extremely close to mine, giving me compliments for my 'big eyes', 'bright skin' ('although I wouldn't want your big nose.. hahahah!' -well, it's not for sale!), and 'golden hair.'

Once the facial was finally over and we all got up to get dressed and go downstairs for our foot massage, I shot Willing and Nan Nan an apologetic look, saying 'I couldn't stop her!?' with my eyes.

-It's OK, Nan Nan said. I can tell you made an effort. Next time we'll all just bring earplugs.

What 'having an ayi' does to you...

Clean? Who, me?!

Yesterday our ayi (ayi -literally means aunt but when we speak of 'our ayi' it means our housekeeper) came back from her 10-day holiday and thank lord for that. I feared that having an ayi would turn me and my bf into lazy, non-cleaning, couch-potatoes and that it just what has happened. Three days prior to her return we stopped doing the laundry or taking out the trash, simply excusing ourselves with that 'the ayi will be back soon.'

The day before yesterday I watched the mountain of dishes in our sink with guilt in my eyes, feeling like a spoiled brat, not to mention a pig for not doing the dishes for the last 3 days. So, tortured by a my bad conscience I decided to get at least half of all the dirty cups cleaned.

While I was standing there doing the dishes my boyfriend walked into the kitchen, looking completely gobsmacked by finding me with my hands covered in soap.

-What are you DOING?!
-What does it look like I am doing? The dishes!
-But... but... the ayi.. the ayi is coming tomorrow?
-Yeah well... it's not like she won't have enough cleaning to do anyways, right?

That last comment must have made him felt a bit guilty too because I later found him at the washing machine, shoving a load of white laundry into the machine.

Thinking that me and my bf were complete pigs, I curiously asked around amongst my laowai friends to see if they did a lot of cleaning themselves while their ayi was on a holiday.

"Cleaning?! Me?! Ho ho ho!! No way! Now since she is away I have bought myself paper plates, paper cutlery and paper cups so that I don't have to do any dishes!" one male friend told me.

Paper cutlery? Wow, that's lazier than us I thought and felt a bit better.

"I was meant to do some vacuum-cleaning but then I never got around to it... although I felt so ashamed of how dirty our flat was when the ayi came back that I hid half of our load of dirty laundry," said a female friend.

Mmmm, hiding the laundry. Familiar one.

What another woman (a housewife who lives here with her husband and her 2 kids) told me made me seriously thoughtful though:

"I clean myself while the ayi is away but when I asks my family to help out I get strange looks. They are simply too used to having the ayi doing everything for them and I am worried that they will have a big problems adapting to a life 'without an ayi' when we eventually move away from China. I am particularly worried about the children. Once I was in the kitchen making dinner, and my boy was in the living room watching TV. The ayi was on the second floor changing our bed sheets. The door bell rang and I expected my son to get it, since the living room is the closest to the door. But imagine my surprise when I heard him yell: 'Ayi, ayi! There is someone at the door. Ayi, you should come down and open for them!' He is six years old!! SIX?!"

Yup. That is kind of scary. Guess who's going straight to the sink to do some dishes right now? Not so much for the sake of the ayi, but for the sake of myself.

Studying in China Q&A (part 2)

I've been getting a lot of emails lately. A lot of nice emails, some strange emails, and then... a lot of emails from people that want to study Chinese in China and that are asking me about 'how to' and 'where.' I find it a bit tiresome to answer every single email so I figured it might be time for another studying Mandarin Q&A post. I have already written one of these post where I answered some questions, and you find that post by clicking here.

1. Where shall I study?

Completely up to you! I can only speak from my own experience and that comes from studying Mandarin in Shanghai and Suzhou. A lot of locals in these cities speak the infamous 'Shanghai hua' or 'Suzhou hua' which is more than hard to understand, but most locals can also speak Mandarin, so just because you are based in Shanghai and Suzhou doesn't mean you won't have any chance to speak to locals. I have heard from people who have studied in cities like Beijing, Dalian, Harbin saying that studying there has been really great too. I have been to both Dalian and Beijing and I found it easier to understand the locals over there (also I personally love the northern dialect! All those 'rrrrrr's... mmmmm, they sound like pirates!) and I think that if I could re-do my choices I probably would have gone to a 'smaller' city like Dalian or even Kunming to learn Mandarin. These cities are not so 'laowai packed' as Shanghai and Beijing are, and we all know the best way to learn Chinese: hang with locals rather than laowais.

But really -it is up to you where you 'should' go. Research the cities you are interested in and post on local expat forums if you want the opinion of some other laowai who's been studying there.

2. I have found a university but I cannot understand their web page -what should I do?

I am amazed of how many people emailing me, going 'can you check this link and translate the page for me and tell me what it means?'... I am sorry, but really... I have a life too! If you bump into problems while browsing a web page then you obviously have to solve it... yourself. Chinese universities home pages can be tricky, and trust me, I have been in your shoes. I didn't know one iota of Chinese when I decided to go to China. And I had problems with their web pages. So... I picked up the phone and called the university and asked them. And... that was it. Not harder than that. There will be some people at the university that are able to speak English, so don't worry about the language. You might not get the right person the first time you call, but just call again, be persistent and eventually you'll get to someone who can help you. I would recommend calling the university rather than emailing them because it is so easy to ignore an email but much harder to ignore a phone call.

3. What are some good study institutes in Shanghai?

There are the biggest universities: Shanghai Uni, Jiaotong, Fudan and... what am I forgetting? Hm... I am sure a google search will tell you!? I know that Jiaotong offers summer courses as well as full semesters (and I believe Fudan does too?), so there are a lot of different programs to choose from. There are also numerous 'Mandarin schools' that offer smaller classes/evening classes but these ones are normally veeeeery expensive (especially compared to the unis). Some that I know of are Miracle Mandarin, Mandarin House, Easy Mandarin, etc etc... I have personally only tried this sort of place once (Miracle Mandarin), when I was working in Shanghai, and I found it a bit so-so, but I know many people that have learned a lot from these courses so I guess the results are very personal.

OK, I think that is it... if you have any additional questions related to learning Chinese in China, please post them in the comments field and I will update this post by answering them. Although before you ask, read the other Q&A post as well!

If anyone else who has been/are currently studying Mandarin in China have any useful advices for people that are interested in learning Mandarin, please feel free to share them too in the comments field! 

Banking must have: patience

On a gloomy Monday just before lunch time I decide its about time I head to the bank and do what I've been meaning to do for the last 4 months: get myself access to Bank of China's Internet banking. It's just one of those things that have been on my mind for ages but that isn't urgent enough for me to not postpone month after month. But this day I've made up my mind. And prepared myself. Paperwork up to my ears. Copies of everything, even of my leasing contract (you NEVER know what kind of papers they want when you try to do something here in China, so I always bring everything).

I head to the bank which is a mere 10 min bike ride from my flat. Can't believe I haven't done this earlier?! Oh well.

Step in, immediately draw attention to me and before I have time to push any button or ask for assistance a Bank of China woman is coming up to me:

-Can I help you Miss? Do you want to exchange money?

-No... I have an account here. I'd like to get access to Internet banking.

-Oh...

The woman tells me to wait while she heads to a bank clerk, chats with him, and then waves me over. No lining up for me. Fortunately there are not that many people waiting, and those that are seem to be too busy looking at my large feet (" 老外的脚那么大") to even care that I just cut in line.

The bank clerk speaks perfect English and I explain my errand. He nods and asks for my passport. I hand it over. He looks at it, types at his computer, looks at the screen, then back at my passport, back to the screen, passport, screen... (it reminds me of someone watching a game of fast ping-pong).

-Your passport number is different to the passport number you had when you opened this account? He says.

Darn. I forgot about that. I opened this account 2 years ago and 1 year ago I had to get a new passport because my old one was broken (pages were falling out and they almost didn't let me through the visa check at the airport because of this).

-Yeah I forgot, I say, wanting to kick myself for doing so.

-You need to bring your old passport too so that I can change the passport number at your account, he says in a serious manner.

-Yup...

I decide to take immediate action and jump on my bike and head home (Not keen to wait another 4 months for inspiration to go to the bank). Twenty minutes or so later I am back, panting slightly, with my old AND new passports. The same woman who helped me 20 minutes ago comes up to me:

-Can I help you Miss? Do you want to exchange money?

I stare at her to see if she's joking but nope. No sign of recognition.

-No... I have an account here. I'd like to get access to Internet banking.

-Oh...

This time I am not allowed to cut in line. I get a number and have to wait like everyone else. (And nobody comments on my feet. Funny how fast novelty wears off?) The male bank clerk that helped me 20 minutes ago is not working. He's sitting at a table two rows behind the bank clerk counter (clearly visible to the other bank clerks still) munching noodles. It's lunch time.

My number is called and I explain my errand to the a new female bank clerk. She looks very troubled and I can tell this is going to take a bit more explaining than I had expected. I push my two passports under the plastic wall and she looks extremely annoyed and pushes one back to me. I try to explain in both English and Chinese but it doesn't really seem to go through (note to self: have to work on my Chinese bank vocab). The woman types and types and asks for my password, tells me to fill in two forms and keeps shaking her head, in a very familiar 'mei you ban fa' -way. I can feel myself going a bit red. The fact that the noodle guy is happily munching along, watching me with entertained eyes doesn't make matters better. Finally the bank clerk yells for another girl who comes up to me and starts asking me questions (in English) about why I have two passports.

-The old one broke so I had to get a new one.

-So you want to open a new account with your new one?

-Noooooo... I just want to change the passport number that you have written down on my account.

-Is the name still the same?

I stare at her. No hints of her joking with me.

-Both passports are mine. One is old. One is new. So yes. My name is still the same. The only difference is the passport number. I was here earlier on with my new passport but that guy over there (pointing at the noodle guy, he waves back) told me that I needed to bring my old passport too (remain calm, remain calm!). 

Chinese chatter and frantic computer typing. Noodle guy is cracking up in the background. I shoot him my darkest look and he smiles back.

New forms are handed over. I swear to myself to go straight home and study Chinese for 10 hours (without breaks) once I am done with this. Bank-Chinese. And passport Chinese. Whatever that means.

Ten minutes later the annoyed looking bank clerk suddenly smiles and says: "Okay le!" and does a movement with her hand indicating for me to move while she pushes a bunch of papers under the plastic wall.

-Done?

-Done.

Big exchange of smiles. I think we are experiencing the same sense of relief. 

As I ride my bike home I think to myself that I really have to work on those bank words. And prepare a large dose of patience for next time.

Socially different

Just the other day at the gym one of my trainer friends, Yin, spotted me.

-You Na, You Na!!! (You Na =my Chinese name) He yelled and came running over. I have some great news for you! GREAT NEWS! I've found you a friend!!

-Ehhh... you've found me a friend?

-Yes, don't move. Stay here! I will get him!

Yin ran off and I watched with fear as he approached two guys in their 30ies that were busy at the bench press. Yin didn't care that they were in the middle of some manly work-out routine (I am something between scared and amazed of how ignorant some Chinese people can be to what is going on around them when they want to do their thing) but simply grabbed one of them (fortunately not the one lying with heavy weights on top of himself... pew!) by his arm, said something, and started dragging him towards me. The reluctance was mirrored in the guy's eyes as he tagged along, and eventually was pushed up in front of me, kind of like an animal being sold at a Farmer's Cattle Market ("Here you go. Our best cow. Milks five times a day. Barely makes a sound. She's reliable.").

-You Na, this is Juha! He is from Finland! And Juha, this is You Na, she's also from Finland!

-Eh... pleasure, said Juha, reaching out his hand hesitatingly and looking completely uncomfortable (this sort of introduction goes against all social rules in Finland. And in Sweden).

My turn to be uncomfortable:

-Actually, Yin, Juha... I am not from Finland, but from Sweden.

(New fear mirrored in Juha's eyes. There's a lot of complicated history between Sweden and Finland, not to mention some sensitive ice-hockey Olympic Game's results that I won't go into any further in case some Finnish person is reading this)

Yin looked completely oblivious to what I'd just told him. It became obvious to me that he thought Finland and Sweden were kind of the 'same place' even though we acted as if they weren't.

-Well yes, what does that matter? Juha finally said and tried a stiff, fake laugh. It was painful to watch.

-Yeah, well it is pretty much the same to the rest of the world isn't it? I (fake) laughed along and Yin was looking delighted.

-So you two can be friends! He said, before he walked away.

We smiled as if we didn't know what else to do. Truth to be said, we didn't.

Once Yin was gone we both excused ourselves and went back to what we were doing before being introduced to each other, and I saw Yin watching us with a rather confused look on his face. I bet he was wondering why we weren't bonding, why we weren't laughing out loud together or planning to go to some restaurant and eat Swedish meatballs.

Well, if this situation took place in Scandinavia and it was me introducing two Chinese guys (especially if they both came from the same city) to each other at the gym, they probably would have been over-thrilled and exchanged phone numbers at the spot. One of my Chinese friends once told me that meeting another Chinese person when you're in a foreign country can be like winning the first price in a lottery: it's such a total bliss. He then asked me if it was the same for me when I met fellow Swedes in foreign countries.

-Hm.. it depends, I said. If both of us are drunk, or, if it is midsummer we might bond. If not, we probably won't even talk to each other.

-Strange, he said.

And I agree. But that's just how it is.

Suzhou's facelift

Old town

New town

Suzhou is far from as hip, as happening or as fun as Shanghai, although living here is still quite OK (Shanghai's only a mere 35 min train ride away). I find Suzhou a bit more outdoorsy-friendly than Shanghai... I like the fact that the bike lanes are wide (as I love riding a bike) and that you can go for a run without almost being hit by a car the moment you step out on the street (going for a run in central Shanghai isn't quite as much fun -unless you go in the middle of the night). I live in a rather new part of Suzhou, namely SIP -Suzhou's Industrial Park and everything over here is fairly new, shiny and neat (now, don't ask me why they have decided to call it 'industrial park' because this place is ten times more a family-friendly spot than some industrial zone, but I've come across so many funny names in China that I have stopped questioning).

Often when I take a taxi I engage in a chat with a taxi driver and they love telling me the story of how 'Suzhou is changing so much' and that 'Ten years ago none of this existed' (while doing a sweeping move with their hand, indicating at all the shining new buildings outside the car window). But SIP is growing steadily and new shopping centers/ living complexes are shooting up everywhere. Just the other day we rode our bikes across the Jinji Hu (big lake) bridge and entered SIP's newest pride: 'Times Square,' a square that consists of two shiny new malls, upscale shopping outlets, as well as a Starbucks, a Pizza Hut and a KFC -probably the three most popular western food places in China (don't quote me on that, but it seems that these three 'restaurants' tend to open up wherever a new shopping center in China is being built). I was personally quite excited about the Freshmart -a grocery shop that offers fresh sushi and an extensive (but expensive) selection of western yoghurt and cheese, but I found the rest of the square to be a bit boring and predictable. It's always the same. The same shops and the same, shiny new looks. Also, one thing that bothers me is that there are no good restaurants in those shiny new squares. There are no small little Chinese places with hand written menus, cheap dishes and chatty waiters -if you want to eat you will have to settle for fast food or some stiff looking new Chinese restaurant with super bright photo menus showing yellow looking dumplings and fried rice.

I prefer the older parts of Suzhou. The gardens, the Tiger Hill, the old lanes of Shi Lu where you can take a canal ride. I know these are now considered as real 'tourist traps' but at least they feel a bit more 'real' than the new, shiny Suzhou that is shaping up in the east part of the city. It's quite weird to watch how the contrast between 'old' and 'new' seem to be growing stronger for every day here in China. I personally hope that while Suzhou's city council is creating the 'new and shiny Suzhou' they keep at least some of the 'old, dirty lanes.' After all, those places are what makes China so charming. And so China.

On my way to Times Square

View from the bridge

Times Square

Freshmart's sushi selection

Shi Lu canal ride

Shi Lu

Tiger Hill

Tiger Hill

A touristy snap from Tiger Hill

Makes me smile

Is it only me or is it so that in China you're never allowed to walk on the nice looking grass?

And this toilet user manual is an old time favorite....