Unwanted speed check

Where running is meant to take place...( It's my own fault. I should keep away from running in traffic).

So there I am, out on my Sunday Suzhou run... enjoying the fact that the sky is quite blue (only quite) and that my legs are feeling light. Listening to music like usual, completely in my own world... until I realize that a car is driving next to me, or actually, it is not driving next to me... it is CREEPING forward in my jogging pace, with a mom, a dad and 2 Chinese kids curiously observing me. When I first notice them I sort of flinch, as I wasn't expecting to see a black car next to me, but then I realize that I am running on the bike lane, where the car must have been parked as it is now on its way back out to the big street. Maybe I am in their way, I think to myself, even though I can clearly see that there is enough space for them to pass me and drive off. In fact, there is no other vehicle or people in this bike lane. But still, just to make sure I do a little jump step to get up on the pavement (pavements are very high in Suzhou) but still, the car doesn't leave. It is still creeping forward in my pace, with waving children from the back window, and a highly interested/amused husband looking at me from the front window. Actually, he keeps looking at me, then back at his wife who is driving, saying something, then back at me, and then back at his wife... The driving wife also looks quite focused. What on earth are they doing?!

We go on like that for a while, looking at each other, until it hits me... hang on a minute.. are they... no, they couldn't be, could they? Are they checking my running speed?

Ah, how could I be so stupid! I mean, here I am, just going for a run, relaxing my mind, trying to keep fit.
And there they are, out on a Sunday drive, spotting a laowai who's out running (yeah, how crazy is that) and decide to drive next to her to see how fast she is really going.

Nobody asked me if I wanted to be part of this speed check, I think and stop on the spot, watching the car's passenger's faces go all disappointed as they continued their slow ride forward without me next to them. As expected, once they don't have me jogging next to their car, they increase their speed and disappear.

And I can go back to "enjoying" my jog. Gosh, I miss running in the forest.

Shameless curiosity

No need to be discreet when taking photos of strangers without asking 

The lack of privacy is evident in China. Over here it is totally OK to ask each other about everything from your monthly salary to why you aren't married yet. (Anyone who has lived in China for more than a month probably nods their head in recognition now). But then there is another sort of 'breach' of privacy, that probably doesn't even cross the mind of some of you, unless you come from an as 'private sphere concerned' country as I do: in Sweden there should be clearly visible spaces between people in a line to the ATM, also, even if someone is wearing a pink bunny costume and walking down the street, you only glance at him discreetly, rather than staring and pointing (until he has passed you, then you are free to turn around and stare and go 'OH MY GOSH! Did you just see that?! What was he thinking stepping out dressed like that!').

But in China, it is totally acceptable to stare, to point, to wave hello to strangers (not to mention to yell 'HELLO!' to strangers, even if you're just passing them with your car), and just to be... curious in general. When first moved here I found the shameless staring from strangers to be the one thing I couldn't get used to. I always thought there was something wrong with me, like a big snot coming out from my nose, ketchup on my top or that I'd forgotten to pull up my zipper. Then, I remember the first time I tried to read a Chinese newspaper in the Shanghai metro, and I found five other Chinese people to be reading the very same page as me, over my shoulder. First I got annoyed, thinking 'what the h***, get your own paper!' But then I started thinking and realized that... 'what's the harm? They are only reading the same page as me?' and stopped caring.

Yesterday I was sitting at a cafe trying to learn 79 new characters when I saw a young Chinese girl sitting opposite me next to the window, reading and filling in some papers. Outside the window was a parking guard, who must have been bored to death with telling cars where and where not to park, because he was leaning onto the window, squinting, and reading the same paper as the young girl. It must have been something kind of amusing, because at times he sniggered. (I also assume he was a bit of a slow reader because when she turned the page over I could see that he got slightly annoyed. For a short moment I almost expected him to bang on the window and mouth something like 'turn back the page, I wasn't finished!', but then reality checked back into me). It looked so funny, especially the fact that the girl was so oblivious to it.

At various times when I have been waiting for my train to Shanghai at Suzhou's train station I have picked up my Chinese books or flash cards and tried to study. But it doesn't really work. It takes less than 40 seconds before a small circle of Chinese people form around me, telling me that 'those simple characters even my son knows, and he is only 8!' or that I am writing with the wrong stroke order (however, that I am 'not bad for being a laowai.') It's cute and helpful at some times, and annoying those days when I really just want to write, and not be compared to someone's five year old genius son (I already get it -they are ALL smarter than me! No need to rub it in).

It's the same when buying groceries here. People are extremely curious to see what I am cooking for dinner, and especially.. how much it costs!! Or, like once at a restaurant, I was having a spicy meal with a friend and we ordered a jug of sweet plum juice (酸梅汤 -suan mei tang) to help us cope with all the chili peppers. The Chinese couple next to us kept looking at our jug, obviously wondering what it was. Some moments later they got up to leave, and the woman walked over to us and looked at the bill that the waiter had already placed on our table.

-Ah, it is suan mei tang they are drinking!! She said loudly to her male company. 20 kuai for a jug!! Too expensive!

And there we were, sipping away.

I actually don't find it as annoying as I thought I first would (only the shameless staring, especially when I am having a bad hair day or is in a generally grumpy mood), but more like... amusing! Obviously, it has also affected me, and turned me into a person that is way too curious and blunt to fit into the Swedish world of 'discreetness' and 'politeness' Only last summer when I was back in Scandinavia I found myself extremely curious at what other people were eating at cafes, how much they spent on shampoos when grocery shopping and how many people ordered beer during lunch hours. My friends almost didn't put up with me, telling me to 'stop staring at strangers' and that I didn't have to stand so close to others while lining up somewhere, and that there was no point giving people who crossed between a line the evil eye, because they were just crossing between the line, and not trying to cut in line. Oh well, what can I say? When in Rome.....

Job offer

Yeah, look at that swing and that style... (not to mention the 2 scared people in the background, keeping a safe distance from me). I am definitely personal trainer material!

Last Sunday at the gym I was working some weights when one of my trainer friends, Rocky, came up to me.

-You La, how are things?

(I don't love when people start talking to me while I am doing weights, but I am so used to it by now that I have almost stopped caring).

Once I'd finished my rep we started chatting, and soon we started talking about the what the sad economic situation was doing to us.

-Hey, if you need a job maybe you could come here and work!? Rocky suddenly said.

-Eh... work at this gym you mean?!

-Yeah! You could be a trainer! It would be great!!

-I am not sure if I could be a trainer...

-Sure you could. You love sports and training! You come here almost every day! And look at you! You're so.... tall and fit...! You could totally be a trainer. I bet there are many girls here wishing they were as tall as you are!

-Rocky, I can't really train someone to be tall?!

-Eh... nah... well....

-And we both know I am twice as wide as most Chinese girls here.

-Yeah, true... well.

-So why on earth would they want me to train them?

(Rocky thinking for a short moment)

-OK, fair enough. Even though I still think a lot of Chinese girls would like to train with a tall girl it is true that they are already smaller than you. But you can train all the laowais!

-Most laowais are already tall so what could I do for them? (I couldn't help myself. I had to say that!)

-Well there are many fat laowais here! I bet compared to them you are fit.

Yup, and that's the story how I got offered a job at my gym: To train fat laowais and short Chinese girls. Thanks but no thanks! 

Another interesting thing that I was also told is that when you are working as a PT in China, your job is not simply to train your customers. You should also be an annoying phone stalker. As many people are too lazy to come and train every day, Rocky explained to me that it is your job to call them a few times a week day and ask them why they haven't been training lately. This is done in order to push them to come to the gym more often.

-Does this include sending text messages? I asked.

-Yeah. Text messages and phone calls, asking them why they haven't been here for one week. They need that sort of push. They need someone to tell them.

So there we go. Anyone wondering why you're getting all those phone calls from your trainers at the gym -they are just thinking about your very best! (and I've cracked yet another nut here in China). 

Upcoming challenge: Yangzhou half marathon

About time for another challenge. This pic is from Shanghai's half marathon back in 2006.

I have a hate/love relationship with running. Some days I almost feel like crying when I am putting on my sneakers and heading out for a run, while other days I cannot wait to get out there. It's kind of strange. I have been running for some years now (except for a 9 month break due to a broken and slowly healed left foot, A black spot on my otherwise quite clean record). There was a time when I wanted to push myself and be a really fast runner. Yeah, for a while I was even considering going on a diet to get lighter and run faster... (gosh!) But the thought of restricting what I eat (read: what I love! I am a total food junkie, especially here in China) was just so appalling that I gave up those thoughts about 1 hour after I starting thinking about it. Nah, screw being lighter! Screw being faster. I run because I enjoy it, and especially if I can keep a relatively comfortable pace (at least so comfortable that I am not out of breath when I am done), somewhere around 10/10.5/11km/hour. Obviously, the longer the run, the slower the pace.

Yesterday was one of those I-love-running-days and I did a good 9 mile on the treadmill (the sky was too sad looking for me to run outside. Big downside with running in China: running outside is not that fun; I hate running when the air is bad, and all that traffic that you have to run next do doesn't make matters any better) and it felt really good. So when I came home I started thinking that maybe it's about time I sign up for a half marathon this year (and no pathetic mini marathon like last year). Not to break any speed record or anything (my fastest half marathon is 1:50, my slowest is... 2:05), but more just to.. do it! I'd like to run something else than the most obvious races this year (Beijing marathon, Shanghai marathon) so I was thinking... maybe Yangzhou half marathon could be something? According to this Suzhou blogger it's on April 26 (although how hot will it be by then? I have a goldfish memory so I don't really remember how hot it was at the end of April last year. I cannot stand running when it is all humid and stuff), and the location seems to be quite good.. not too hard to get to from Suzhou (I have to look up what train I could catch there).

Has anyone run this race? How's the course? Flat/hilly? Is it a popular race? What about scenery -anything nice to look at while running? The Yangzhou Half Marathon homepage is kind of confusing (and their online sign up link doesn't seem to work), at least the English version, so I am going to give the Chinese version a throughout look later on today. But yeah, I have to say that the thought of getting another half marathon under my belt is kind of appealing. (Also, running races in China is kind of interesting. Fellow runners turn up wearing everything from plastic bags on their heads to jeans, skirts and sandals. It's kind of wacky! And then there are all the 'senior runners' that have their last smoke on the starting line...) Not to mention what a great excuse a race is for going on a little wknd trip and seeing something new!

When are high demands too high?

Bars can be filthy places...but not whore houses!

Some months ago I got an email from a Chinese female friend who recently relocated to Sweden for work. She was telling me about settling into her new country, that she loved most parts of her new life, and that she'd met a 'great guy' that she was dating.

However, there was one big dark cloud on her blue sky, and that was that the 'great guy' had a lot of Swedish female friends.

"Sometimes he hangs out with them for a whole day! I cannot stand it. I feel so jealous. Why are he seeing other women when he's got me?!"

They had only been dating for 2 months and already she was thinking about telling him to choose between his female friends and her.

"Do you think this is OK to say?" She asked me. "In China I wouldn't accept that my boyfriend had any other female friends if he was dating me."

I threw myself on the computer and wrote back to her saying "no no no NOOOOOOOO! It's not OK! He's probably known some of his female friends for years meanwhile he met you only 2 months ago! Of course he's going to choose his female friends! Why don't you try to get to know them yourself instead of just being jealous about it? Maybe they are really nice?! Besides, if they are his long-term friends he doesn't have any interest in them, otherwise they would have hooked up long time ago!"

But my friend refused to adapt to a culture where 'female friends' are considered OK, and broke it off with the guy. I haven't heard from her since then but I hope she's managed to move on and find a guy with no female friends.

Even though I can understand her reaction (where she is coming from, I totally believe that her boyfriend would get rid of his female friends if she asked him to) I still think she has some nerves, telling a guy she's been dating for a very short time that he should get rid of his friends. I mean, they weren't even living together! It's not a small thing to ask for I think.

Then, one of my male (laowai) friends told me about a mix couple he knows in Shanghai. An American guy married to a lovely, Shanghainese woman. They sound like the happiest, most joyful couple ever, and why?

"She wears the pants. Controls all their money. Gives him an allowance every month. And forbids him to go out and drink beers with his male friends. She doesn't want temptation to be put in front of him. In her eyes, going to bars is the same as going to a whore house."

Ah, OK, interesting. So I asked how the guy feels about all his restrictions.

"Ah he loves it. Saves a lot of money. And says he's sick of drinking anyways!"

Well, then, that's a prefect match!! Great that they can get along on something as sticky as that, I thought, until I heard about the guy going on a "trip to Hong Kong to renew his visa but ended up 'secretly bringing a good male friend' and partying for 4 days straight."

"So, what's that all about?" I asked.

"Well, it would be such a big deal if she would find out, so he didn't tell her."

Understandable. Totally understandable.

However, I keep asking myself:

Is that sort of relationship really a sustainable one? Where one comes up with the rules, and the other one follows them, but only 'most of the time' because quite frankly, they are too harsh? (I mean, every guy would like to have a beer with his mates every now and then, no?!).

I guess what I am trying to say with this post is that culture gaps when dating someone from a foreign country are always going to be large. But when is large too large? And what is OK to ask for? Would you guys give up beers with mates/ long time female friends if your girlfriend asked you to? Just because of culture differences?

My bf (like always) went against me on the questions, saying that the girl had all the rights to ask for these things.

"Oh really," I said. "So why don't you stop going out with your friends then for beers because I 'feel so bad' about that!"

"Eh.... well... no, I know you don't!"

"Well what if I did? Would you then give it up?"

"Not the same thing!"

Not the same thing? Really? I mean, if this girl is scared of letting her husband mingle amongst temptation, then why shouldn't I be?

I would really like to hear your guys opinion on this one, because I think the demands are too high, especially since the guy is already secretly going out with his friends (they have only been together for 2 years). What do you guys think? Can high demands be excuse with 'culture differences?' And is a relationship like that sustainable or not?

How good is 'soooo goood,' really?

"oh please... it's not THAT good....!"

Even though I find the process of learning Chinese quite tiresome and slow, I have to say that being and China and learning the language is kind of rewarding. Especially since the progress you make is so appreciated by locals.

In the beginning phase of learning Chinese, you absorb every single 'wow, your Chinese is so good-' comment you get from a local like a sponge. Even though you deliver the compulsory denial phrase: 'Oh, no no no... my Chinese is not good at aaaaalll!!!!!' you are secretly musing, thinking that 'hell yeah I am getting better! Even the locals are noticing!', forgetting about the fact that yesterday you ordered an apple juice and they gave you an orange.

But then, once you've spent some time learning, and some years in China, you notice that the whole 'ohhhh, your Chinese is really great!' isn't really about your Chinese being good or not. Rather, it is just a polite, break-the-ice phrase that people tell you when they notice that you can say more than '你好 Ni hao!' (hello) and '谢谢 Xie xie' (thank you).

A typical example of this is when having a chat with a taxi driver. The conversation more or less always follows the same pattern:

1. you tell him where you want to go, he ask you if he should take the highway.
2. You tell him no and suggests another route.
3. He tells you your Chinese is really great.
4. You politely decline the compliment by saying 那里那里-'Nali Nali' (=polite way of declining the compliment).
5. He tells you that really, your Chinese is fantastic.
6. You say '不敢当 -bu gandang!' (= you flatter me/I don't deserve your praise)
7. He cracks up, almost starts applauding and asks you where (such a smart) girl/ guy is from.
8. You tell him your country of origin.
9. He (normally) says something nice about your country/asks you something about your country, and then proceeds to asking how long you've been in China.
10. You answer. (the shorter you've been here the more impressed he will be seeing that your Chinese is 'soooo goood!')

Don't get me wrong. Sometimes it is really nice to have these conversations, especially when your 'learning-a-new-language-self-esteem' is low. Also, who doesn't love being told that their Chinese is good?! Yeah, that's what I mean. I've been that absorbing sponge. I still am on bad days.

But then comes that one day when you decide that you don't want to be told any more bullshit. When you've had it with nice words. When you want to hear the truth.

For me it happened during a foot massage the other day. I was sitting on a stool with my feet placed in a bucket of hot water and a massage guy rubbing my shoulders and neck behind me.

-How's the pressure? He asked in Chinese.
-It's OK. I said.
-Is the water too hot for you?
-No, the water is also OK. Actually, can you add some more hot water?
-Of course. And wow... your Chinese is really good!

(by this time the whole room was listening. Nothing out of the ordinary. Expect a large audience when you can speak Chinese and do it at a place where there are a lot of Chinese people)

-How do you know that my Chinese is good? I have barely spoken yet? Only answered your questions. 

TOUCHDOWN! You know that drum solo that they do in movies when someone says something really smart? Well, I was almost expecting that one. Because the whole room cracked up. 

-Yes, how can he tell, how can he tell?!? Came from an old lady getting her feet kneaded in the corner.

-Ah, what an intelligent lao wai! Said another woman.

Even the four other masseur guys were giggling although I could tell they were trying to hold it back.   

The only one who wasn't having a good time was the guy rubbing my shoulders.

-Well... Actually. I can just tell, that... you know.. that your Chinese is... well. I just know that you are good!!

Yeah, sure he did.

-Well, no no no.. I'm not.. 那里那里， 不敢当.... (And here we go again.)

Still, it was kind of refreshing to take a different approach rather than just being a sponge. I think I'll do that again sometime.

Photo special: Beijing Olympics 2008

In August 2008 I ventured to Beijing to watch the last 4 days of the Olympic Games. I had an awesome time and took more than 300 photos.. Seeing that we had aimed for cheap tickets we were seated at the very back at most venues, hence the lack of high quality sport shots.. However, here are some shots showing the great atmosphere at the different competitions we went to see. 

We watched the men's beach volley bronze and gold game, the second last day of track and field, as well as the men's basketball bronze and gold game. Everything was great but the basketball final was simply outstanding!  



Beach volley spectators



Beach volley spectators

Dinner with my Beijing friend Panda...I looooove Beijing food!

Cheering for Bahamas, with Bahamas, during the men's relay competition



Cheering for Finland too (otherwise bf might get angry...)


USA winning bball gold

Previous blog posts about the games:

Olympic Basketball final 

Track and field at the Bird's nest

Beach volley and poor food options