"Not romantic? Dump him!"

It all comes down to this... every single time!

I was chatting to my Chinese friend Rocky (alias the Hunan boy) the other day at the gym when he suddenly asked:

-You Na, when are you getting married?

(I guess it's only in China that this question is so normal that you don't even feel that someone is intruding on your private life)

-Not anytime soon, I answered.

-Why not? You have a boyfriend, right?

-Yes, I do. But he's not really into the whole marriage thing.

Rocky looked revolted.

-Not into? What do you mean not into?

-Well maybe he doesn't want to get married? Well at least not now. And neither do I, I quickly added.

-But... you guys have been together for a long time, right?

-Yes.

-So you should get married?!

-Hm... marriage isn't such a must-do where I come from as it is in China, I tried. Rocky looked completely oblivious to what I was saying.

-I think you need to raise your demands! He suddenly said. You should demand that you guys get married.

-But... like... I don't want to demand it. I don't even want to get married? Well not now anyways.

-Of course you do. Aren't you romantic?

-Well, sure... I like romance... at times! But I seriously don't see marriage as the most important thing in life.

-Is your boyfriend romantic?

-Eh... (I guessed I couldn't just say "He's from Finland" here and get the "ahhh OK I see...." -response that I normally get from people. Having a boyfriend from the country of vodka and sauna sort of speaks for itself, but I had a feeling that Rocky knew very little about Finland and Finnish people.) No... he's not that romantic. But neither am I. It's OK.

Rocky looked even more disgusted than before.

-So he doesn't.... look after you?!!!

-I don't need any looking after! I am an independent woman (holy crap -that's a cliche I never thought I'd speak out loud. Thank lord I said it in Chinese and not English).

Rocky still looked as if someone had punched him hard in the stomach.

-You see, I said, eager to try to redeem both myself and my boyfriend before we turned into cactuses in Rocky's mind. I know that Chinese girls like to have a boyfriend that looks after them.. that calls them all the time.... that carries their handbag...

-...and their shopping bags! he added. (I had to concentrate hard to force back the laughter).

-But where I come from it is different.

-So men from your country aren't romantic?

(What's with the whole generalizing all the time?! ALL men from Scandinavia aren't romantic just because my boyfriend isn't?! Sure, Scandinavia isn't the most populated place on earth but there are still quite a few people living there!!?!)

-Eh Yes. They are. It is just my boyfriend that isn't. (And some others I am sure -but I didn't say this)

-So why don't you choose someone else?

Oh loooooord... I give up. Talking about marriage and romance with some Chinese people is like having a conversation with a wall. If they guy/girl isn't according to their standards (a guy should make money, have a good education, be tall, carry women's handbags/shopping, and be romantic. A woman shouldn't drink alcohol or go to nightclubs, be thin and not taller than the man -a good job/edu helps too I suppose) it is as if they think: "so why bother, get someone else?"

-You should raise your demands. Rocky said again before I left the gym. Ask for more. Say you want to get married. Say you want romance.

-Mmm sure. I murmured, mastered a smile and left.

I'm thinking about getting myself a fake engagement ring in order to avoid this conversation to take place again. You think my boyfriend would freak out?

Game time with the guards

Bike parking in China.. not always so organized...

I live in one of those fancy looking complexes that has about 468634863248 Chinese guards working 24-7. I have felt sorry for them since I moved here. Their job must be one of the most boring jobs there is. There are always at least 4 of them at every gate, although only one can press the button that opens the gate so that cars can drive in/out, so the other three are just standing there. Or, OK, sometimes they ask where the car is going. But that's still only work for two people (that one person could have easily handled. Pressing a button doesn't require that much effort, after all), meaning that at least two people are just standing there, with their backs straight, staring blankly into the air. Anyways, seeing how little they have to do, it doesn't surprise me that they have to dig deep into their minds to come up with something to do to make time pass.

For the last 4 or so months, they have taken a special interest to me and my bike. In fact, we nowadays have this sort of game that we play, that is called: "hiding Jonna's bike" or, "making it hard for Jonna to access her bike in the mornings."

It's a fairly simple game, with no specific rules, and it goes like this: when I come home, I park my bike somewhere at the large bike area that belongs to our building. I always try to go for a quite open spot, as I know it can get really crammed by the time everyone else has parked their bikes/ scooters/ electric bikes/ mopeds/ you name it (anything with two wheels goes here).

Then, the next morning, I come down (normally in a big rush as I tend to be late -a result of me being a morning blogger), only to find that my bike has been moved. And then the game starts! I have to locate my bike that can be anywhere within the bike area. Normally there are at least two guards watching me, smiling discreetly, while they are pretending to be busy arranging some plants (?). The first time we played this game I wasn't prepared (you see, they didn't really notify me), and when I realized that my bike wasn't where I'd last left it, I sort of panicked, thinking it had been stolen. It was pure luck that I (on my way to walk to the gate and try to get a taxi to school) spotted it and realized that it had been moved.

Nowadays, I know that the bike won't be where I last left it, and to be honest, it's not that hard to find (I think my maximum search time is something like 3.5 minutes). The guards have also noticed that, so now they have engaged in a new game, that I don't enjoy as much as the other one. This one is called: "making it as hard as possible for Jonna to retrieve her bike" and it goes like this: over night (or whenever I am not there) they put my bike in a little corner, that fills up with scooters, bikes and you name it... when I come to get it in the morning, it is close to impossible to get to my bike unless those scooter owners have left before me (and normally they haven't). 

I'm not too fond of this game, especially not when I find my bike crammed between two big, fancy looking scooters (with those annoying alarms that sets off if you just look at the scooter for too long), and bikes both in front and behind it. There have been days when I've been thinking: "No way, I'm never going to get that," but then somehow, it always works out. Either I do a brave, lifting-my-bike-attempt, while setting off fancy looking scooter's alarms. Or, sometimes the guards take pity on me. They see that I might not have gotten my 7-hours-beauty-sleep and that I am not in the mood for game playing/bike lifting and loud alarms at 8am in the morning -and therefore they decide to help me by getting the bike for me. Every time they do I get all grateful and thank them about 100 times, and they look all proud and happy, even though I know it is them who put the bike there at the first place. But, I can tell it makes them happy to feel useful, so I never make a fuss about it. I mean, if I was working at that gate, I would probably start hiding other people's bikes too.

Language skills put to a test at the visa office

With small steps... even I am getting there!

Yesterday I went to renew my visa. You all know the visa drill -paperwork de luxe, nothing to look forward to- but yesterday actually turned out to be a good day to visit both the police station (to get a temporary residence/proof-of-address paper that you need to proceed with your visa) and the visa office as there were barely any other people, and no long waiting time. Awesome. I wish it could be like that every time. (I guess the fact that I had all my papers in perfect order and the guy that checked them at the police station was the same guy who checked them the last two times, also helped. Although he refuses to admit it I know he recognizes me. The fact that he smirked when I came in and then barely even touch my rental lease -he's seen it enough times- gave him away).

When I was done at the police station I went to the entry/ exit bureau to hand in my passport to renew my visa. When my number was called I was greeted by a middle aged Chinese man. He looked at my visa, then looked at me, then looked at my visa.

-CAN YOU SPEAK CHINESE?! He said with broken English.

-Yes I can speak Chinese, I replied in Chinese.

-Sorry, say that again, he said, this time in fast Chinese.

-Yes I can speak Chinese, I repeated.

He looked at me for a bit, with a thoughtful, yet mischievous expression on his face. 

-So you are studying at Suzhou university?

-Yes I am.

-Really?

-Really!

-Do you understand everything I am saying?

-Yes I do.

-Really?

-Really!

He gave me a long look.

-Give me another photo, he said, without moving his face or taking his eyes off me. (I had already given him one and I had a little plastic folder with additional passport sized photos of me in front of me).

I gave him another photo.

-Take of your hat.

I took of my hat.

-OK you can put on your hat again.

I didn't.

He looked triumphant.

-Do you not understand what I am saying? He said, this time a bit slower.

-Yes I do. I just don't want to wear my hat right now.

Biiiiiig smile from him.

-Your Chinese isn't bad. OK, let's take a photo now.

And that was it.

I think I can confidently say that I passed my visa office Chinese language skill test, even thought I didn't even know there was such a test. Not quite sure what the reward will be? Another 6 months student visa in China?

Eavesdropping

Interesting/painful conversation overheard at a Starbuck's cafe.

Western man (with a high pitched voice) and a western girl meet, obviously for a job-interview-purpose (even though the choice of venue is a bit odd):

Man: Lovely to see you again.

Girl: Hi, nice to meet you too.

Man: I have to say I prefer the way you dress today compared to last time. These clothes are so much better on you!

Girl: Oh, really? well.. thanks?!

Man: Yeah. Last time you looked all business. But today you look more hippie-travelling girl. I like that. I like that a lot.

Girl: OK... well.. good.

Man: You know, too many uptight people here. I love the hippie travelling girl. I love the hippie- travelling lifestyle.

Girl: Oh... so you have done a lot of travelling? (I could tell on her voice she was keen to move away from discussing her clothing style)

Man: Me?! Well yeah! You know, I have been here for a long time. a LOOOONG TIME! Like... really long.

Girl: How long?

Man. FIVE years. Like. Five whole years.

Girl: Yeah, that's a long time. Have you travelled much?

Man: OF course. Thailand. I love the beach. LOVE THE BEACH. And then Japan. I really like Japan. REALLY like it.

Girl: Anywhere else?

Man: No.

Girl: OK.

Man: So you're interested in this position....

(start talking about the position which has something to do with sales and marketing and then goes onto talking about HR managers and contacts? In fact, I am not too sure. Even though many of you will find it hard to believe -I tried not to listen in too much).

Man: So do you have many HR contacts here?

Girl: A few.

Man: Well, I have my own system. My secret system. In there I have one thousand of HR managers listed, only in Suzhou.

Girl: One thousand?

Man: Eh... no. Actually... I think I have more like... two... no.. THREE THOUSANDS of HR managers in my system. 

Girl: That's a lot.

Man: Yeah. And you know what? I don't enjoy meeting all of them. In fact. I HATE meeting all of them. I hate meeting people that I don't want to talk to. And most people I don't want to talk to. But that's my job. I have to do what I have to do.

Girl: Yeah...

Man: So how is your Chinese? Obviously, since I have lived here for five years, I am....

* * * * * * * * *

At this point I couldn't take it anymore but turned on my iPod. This foreign man just happens to be the most loud and obnoxious man that I always tends to bump into, and if he sits somewhere near you at Starbucks, the chances of you hearing every single word of his conversations/ phone calls/ interviews/ business meetings are quite high. Because he is S O L O U D !

Although yesterday I sort of didn't mind it. It was kind of entertaining. Especially him telling the girl she looked like a hippie-travelling girl?! Oh lord. I almost felt like jumping in and saving her!

Vision colliding with reality

Some days ago I met up with a Chinese friend who's working for a western company in Shanghai. Over dinner, he shared his thoughts and ideas about working for this company, something that I found kind of interesting, mainly because he wasn't necessarily positive. Many of my Chinese friends who are currently working for a Chinese company always tells me how they dream of working for a foreign/more international company, that runs its business the 'foreign way' (when I ask them what that means, they often say things like: 'more independent work, more responsibilities, more understanding boss, less unpaid overtime, more holiday') rather than the 'Chinese way' (hierarchy system). As it turns out, however, the image of what it 'could be like,' is rarely close to reality.

My friend's complaints were many, but some of the key ones were about the company's management. According to my friend, the western boss (who doesn't speak any Chinese) had too much trust in the department managers, and no complete idea of the real working situation.

He claimed that the department managers relied on their fancy title (+ the fact that they had a lot of freedom in their work), and that none of them bothered to work that hard, leaving it up to their individual team to make sure something got done. Communication between the managers were poor. No one cared about what other people/departments were doing/working on, but one departments focused only on its own tasks. Although everybody were supposed to have more personal responsibilities everybody became real modest when something went wrong, blaming it on each other. No one stepped up to take the blame, no one said they would make sure it wouldn't repeat itself, and, (most importantly), no one even cared about solving the problem. Gosh... I just sat there listening, thinking about how insanely chaotic is sounded. It is almost as if you want to go to that company's big manager, give him a big shake, and tell him that maybe the 'western way' isn't that good if you're not willing to take time to train your staff and teach them what 'take responsibility' and 'communication' really means?

-So what are you going to do? I asked my friend. Speak to your boss?
-No point. He said.
-But... like... what? You're just going to sit there and suffer in silence?
-Yeah.. well for now. You know. The big boss has no idea what is going on. So it is easy to go on for days without doing much work. I can just blame it on others if someone gets mad. Just like everyone else does.
-Hm... doesn't sound like a lot of fun to me.
-Well I am not going to work hard. No one else in my team does. And we all get the same salary anyways. There are no rewards for the hard-working ones. I bet if the boss had a good look around he could fire 50 people on the spot simply for not doing anything. Most people spend the day playing computer games.
-OK...
-I will probably quit in a bit.. you know. As soon as I find something else. Maybe then I will tell the boss.
-Like, before you quit?
-No... I mean. When I have found myself a new job and moved to another company. Then I think I will write the boss an email and tell him about everything going on at his company that he probably has no idea of.
-But then it won't make any difference? Why don't you tell him now instead?
-No... I don't want to risk anything. I think he will appreciate the email more then than now.

Hm... an interesting conversation, and interesting attitude towards sharing information with the boss/problem solving (because even though this guy seemed keen to 'make a difference' he wasn't willing to actually try to change anything himself. Not even to talk to his department manager? 'Makes no difference, I don't want to do or risk anything' was all he said).

From what I have heard from other western companies in China (by speaking to staff as well as western CEOs) this situation isn't that rare over here. A good flow of communication seems to be the one thing that most companies are struggling with. And one thing I often hear from my Chinese friends that are working for foreign companies is that 'their foreign boss has no idea what is going on.' But when I ask them all why they don't 'enlighten' their boss about the problems, they all look at me as if I was mad. Still, many Chinese people dream of working for a western company. Obviously, their idea of what I could be like is completely different to the reality.

Longing for spring and street food

It's freezing cold in Suzhou at the moment. According to the weather forecast it was a whopping minus 10 degrees last night?! Well, -10 degrees is normally not that big of a deal for me (I used to live in Finland, remember? That winter we had -35 degrees for one week straight.. and I was on crutches...) However, houses are build a little bit differently in Scandinavia. Unlike houses in China, the walls of Scandinavian houses are not paper thin... and a central heating system is always in place. Anyways. My point is: when it is -10 degrees in Suzhou it is d*** cold in Suzhou, because that tiny little air con that our flat is equipped with, simply isn't that efficient. 

Anyways, what better thing to do when it's freezing cold outside but to dream about spring...? And with spring comes... wonderful street food!! Ah... just looking at these photos (that I took at a Shanghai street food market in 2007) makes me hungry (and I just had breakfast). But seriously, doesn't it look tempting? (And nice, with the sun shining down at the vendors)



Pumpkin cake -greasy but good!

Pancake



Mmmm... jiaozi... (fried dumplings)

I never eat fish or seafood from these street markets, although you have to agree that they look kind of yummy...



Classic fruit stick...

Chocolate makes everything better!

Finally, bubble tea -no street meal is complete without a cup of milky bubble tea!

Learning English with the Housewives

Yesterday I met one of my Chinese friends for some language exchange. Since I went to Sweden over Christmas we haven't caught up for a while and I was really surprised when we, after one hour of speaking Chinese, switched to English, and her English sounded.... awesome?! Like... really good?! Much, much MUCH better than it did 1 month ago when I last saw her.

-What have you done?! I asked her, mouth half open as a result of her completely wow-ing me with her new language skills.

-Desperate Housewives! She said triumphantly.

Turns out that this Chinese girl had gone through many American TV soaps, only to find Desperate Housewives to be the one with the 'best, most everyday English' (Note: I am quoting her here, I am not saying I think so... I am not quite sure if I would call the Desperate Housewives language for 'every-day language' but well... I am sure there is something useful in their dialogue. If nothing else, at least a lot of infidelity phrases?!) and that she had watched the show on an every day basis, in order to learn 'their language.' When she realized that she didn't understand everything they said, she went to a book store and bought herself a script of the whole season 1 and 2, so that she could read it and learn it by heart.

-So... how do you do it? I asked, still quite astonished and impressed with her sturdiness.

-Well, I normally sit in my room and read the dialogue out loud until I know it by heart. It can do like this (adapting an American accent): "I am not working every day so that I can pay for your plastic surgery."

Oh my! Now that's a new, and kind of interesting method of learning English?!

Well, regardless of what, it obviously has done wonders to her English. Not only does she now have a bigger vocabulary compared to before, but she also sounds more... American?! I can't do anything else but applaud her for being so driven and dedicated. It's truly inspiring! (even though it also makes me feel like a bit of a loser for my own, slow, Chinese progress -what's the Chinese soap equivalent to Desperate Housewives, anyone?!)