How to: make people leave at closing hour

Hot Pot (not from the restaurant where we went last week though)

Last week we decided to take our visitors to a Hot Pot restaurant. It was a freezing night and our timing couldn't have been worse: we arrived around 7.30pm, namely PRIME DINNER TIME for Chinese people, and the restaurant was packed. There was a waiting line that seemed kind of long, but still went incredibly fast? I don't know if it was for the fact that we were four blonds (me, my bf + our 2 blond visitors) or just because we were four people and most of the other people that were only 2 and waited for a small tables. Anyhoo. Once we were seated we started ordering... loads and loads of stuff... Every time I asked the waiter if he thought we had enough for 4 people he just shook his head and said 'oh no no no.. more, more, more'. (He must have thoughts that we were ate twice as much as usual customers because when all the food arrived later it was way too much -surprise surprise!)

It turned out to be a nice dinner for all of us, even though our guests (who at that time had just arrived to China) were struggling with their chopsticks, until we about 1 hour after ordering, suddenly all felt a chill fill the restaurant, and noticed that a lot of people around us started to leave.

-Oh, someone must have accidentally left the door open... me and my bf explained to our visitors.

Turns out, it wasn't that 'accidently' after all. Ten minutes later the place was half empty, and we were eating with our jackets on when a waiter came up to us:

-Excuse me! It is time to pay! She said and handed my bf the bill.

-You're closing?! We all said. It was barely 9pm.

-Eh... yes! the waiter said, with the usual, nervous laughter.

It was way too cold to stay anyways, so we paid up and left. Still, I cannot stop thinking that they have a funny way to do things over here. Why can't they just tell u when u order that 'we are closing in one hours just so u know' or at least come and take your last order 30 min prior to opening the doors and as a sign for people that it is time to leave. (not that we needed to order any more food, but u know what I mean).

This brings back memories from when I used to work at a pub in London when I was 19... Pubs in England have to close at 11pm (the best rule ever for people working there!) and it was always a hassle to actually get people out of the place. Now I think to myself, 'how stupid we were! We should have just opened the doors and let the cold air fill up the pub. That would have triggered everyone to leave.'

Well, you learn something new every day!

Money, money, money

This has been driving me crazy for the last 2 weeks now so I have to say something. Warning to sensitive readers: it may come across as a rant.

During the last 2 weeks we have been discussing the most-popular-and-loved-to-talk-about-topic in class, namely: boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife qualities. I have taken a total of 3 full semesters at Chinese universities, and this is a topic that keeps coming back, no matter where u study, no matter who your teacher is, and no matter how unwilling u are to discuss it. My current speaking teacher seems to have a minor 'thing' for the whole 'love' topic, as she has brought it up numerous times, asking us students if we are dating/single/married, and, more importantly, what our partner is like (or how we wish him/her to be like). This could have been a quite interesting discussion if we could have kept to the basics, or, to cultural related things in different countries, focusing on different traditions and so on... but noooooooooooooooo that is the one thing we don't do. What we do talk about, however, is the one thing that seem to be on top of the list of a lot people's wish list: MONEY.

-How much does s/he has?
-How much does his/her family have?
-If it is a guy, can he afford to buy you a house/ jewellery (apparently the man should buy the girl a necklace, a ring and a bracelet, and/or earrings when they get married in China?)? As for the house, it is becoming more and more common that the boy and the girl's family share the cost of the house, although before it used to be the man's family's job to pay for the property.
And then finally:
-how IMPORTANT is money?

Our teacher asked us all to tell her what we found to be the most important in our partner. She started with us girls.

-Personality, stable, trust, values, education, common interest.... was some of the things people mentioned.

She combined a list of all the qualities, leaving the number 1 open.

She went on to the guys:

-Looks, body, sexy (we have a lot of young guys in my class), interesting, funny...

Again, she left the number 1 spot open.

And then, she turned to us and said, with a grave expression on her face:

-I think you have forgotten the most important thing here. If your partner, and mainly your man, doesn't have any money, how are you going to support yourselves?

-Well, how about working yourself? I said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing?! People live their lives before they get married, supporting themselves. Why on earth would u stop once u get married?

-But the man has to have money, she insisted. Otherwise you'll be unhappy.

-Why, can't you work for yourself?

-What if you don't have a job?

-Well then you have a real problem that u should solve before u get married. Should u just marry someone so that he can support you?

A giggle revealed that that was the end of that discussion. (which leads me into another thing that annoys me over here: why does so many discussions end with a giggle/nervous laughter?)

OK OK... I am not that naive that I am going to write something like 'money doesn't matter, personality is everything' because I know that money matters. U need money to live, obviously... but would I put money on the top of my list when it comes to finding a partner... no way! And, even if I was so damn money-hungry, would I be so open about it? I don't think so?! I understand that you cannot compare life in the west to life in China, but sometimes I feel that the way some girls over here speak about money is just somehow sickening. There is no 'we can do it together' attitude, it is more like:

1. Does he (because let's face it. It is often a he) have money?
2. Can he buy a house, a car, jewellery, new furniture, and so on?
3. Can he support me and my baby?
4. Can he do it NOW?

Actually... it more and more makes sense why many girls here marry a much older man... how easy is it for a young guy (who doesn't come from a rich family) to be loaded? Saving up money takes time! It takes years of hard work, of (hopefully) being promoted, of working together and saving up... I don't know anyone (who isn't rich) who has just gotten married, bought a brad new house and filled it with new furniture, and then a BMW for the parking lot to top things off? Like, really.. it doesn't happen like that. U buy things gradually... at that is part of the fun. That you can finally get yourself something that u have been saving up for for a long time.

Or, am I the most naive thing to even think like this? I feel that I sort of backlash when I get into discussions like this and people nag about money as it was the only thing to live for.

Sure, money is important.

But is it, really, the most important thing when it comes to finding yourself a partner to spend the rest of your life with?

(And no, I am not talking about someone who has NOTHING. I am talking about an average girl -or boy-, just like my teacher. Who has studied at the university, who has a job, who wears pretty clothes, who eats good meals every day, who has a gym membership, who smiles and laughs a lot and who seems quite happy in general.)

Just another train ride...

Yesterday morning I was taking the early train to Shanghai. As usual when I got on the train, there was already someone sitting at my seat, who I had to ask to leave, a process that resulted in curious/amused looks from onlookers. When I sat down (in between two Chinese business men) I noticed that the man to my right hadn't stopped looking at me and that he kind of looked keen to chat, so I decided to be nice and returned his glance.

The beginning went as usual. He introduced himself in Chinese, wondered how long I had studied for and complimented my Chinese skills... Then, he pointed at the papers in front of him and switched to English:

-I have a job interview with an American company! Can you help me prepare?

Although I had planned to sit back with my iPod for a 30 min power nap I simply couldn't turn down the offer from this man. He was so polite and seemed so nervous.

-Sure, I said. I can be the boss asking you questions.

We started in English, but I realised soon that his level of English wasn't that good so we switched to Chinese (he wasn't sure in what language the interview was to be conducted in, but we were both hoping for Chinese). Once we had worked out his answers in Chinese I started helping him translating them to English.

-Look, I already have, he said and pointed to the papers in front of him.

And there it was.. answer after answer, neatly written in quite good English. I must have looked like a question mark because he quickly said:

-It is easier to read and write in English than to talk.

-Oh, I see...

Going through his answers I noticed some very interesting things, such as his answer to:"How do you respond to criticism?"

"For me, silence is golden. I don't say anything if someone complains. I don't have a problem with constructive criticism though."

-Eh... I said. Is this true? Wouldn't you even ask WHY someone is criticizing you? So that you can improve for next time?

-No. It is better to stay silent.

-Hm.... Maybe you want to re-think that answer....

Moving on, we came to a part where he had been asked to "describe yourself."

A list of adjectives followed:

* Hard-work (which I changed to hard-working).
* Diligent (Just a question to all you native English speakers reading this... do u often use this word? The Chinese seem to love it, as it is the number one translation of the very good Chinese word: 聪明 -cong ming. During my 4 years in England and Australia, however, I haven't heard it once....)

and then............:

* Sex appeal.

-Sex appeal?! I almost shouted.
-Yes? Something wrong?
-You cannot say sex appeal!!!
-But I take care of myself.
-Yeah well... no. Don't go in there and tell your boss that you have sex appeal.

-Why not?

-Just trust me on this one. Don't.
-OK...

Wow. I am so happy I got a chance to help this man out... I really wonder how he went though. His spoken English was quite poor...which is understandable. At the moment he was working at a Chinese company and had no contact with foreigners at all. I would have offered a language exchange if it wasn't for the fact that I already have two language partners who I barely have time to see every week... Anyways, I am glad I could help out a little bit... and prevent that 'sex appeal' to be said out loud!

Once we arrived in Shanghai we said goodbye and I rushed to the metro. When I was standing there waiting for a not-so-packed-with-people-car (wishful thinking!) I suddenly heard a male voice say:

-You Na?!

I turned around and there was Nike! As in 'When I met Nike' that time in Kunshan?! Ha! Small world! Since our train station meeting at that time we have only caught up a couple of times for dinner. Anyways, now he was taking the metro to People's Square to change to line 2 and head to Pudong, just like me. Awesome!

How funny that even though these places (Shanghai, Suzhou...) are million-cities, u still manage to bump into people that u know every now and then.

Tourist in Suzhou

The perks of having visitors in town are continuing to add up! (they are leaving on Thu already so not much time left though). Yesterday I stepped into the role of being a tourist in Suzhou, something I haven't been since I moved here, and it was actually a lot of fun! I have only been to one of Suzhou's famous gardens before (I KNOW! Shame on me! Big time!) and the only canal ride I have done took place in the water village Zhu Jia Jiao, so this time I figured it was about time to check some new places in the city where I nowadays officially live.

Destination one was Shiquan Jie, Suzhou's infamous bar street, which is more interesting late at night when it turns into a meat market of old men (western as well as Asians) and young women, me not being one of them. This is a quite dingy place I would say, although during daytime Shiquan Jie is actually quite nice. Yesterday we also found a good shop on the street, namely EURO MODA. :) (Hehe... I wonder how happy Vero Moda is about that name?!) After lunch at YangYang we jumped into a taxi and told the driver to take us to....

Destination two: Tiger Hill. (Quoting travelchinaguide.com): Tiger Hill, known also as Surging Sea Hill, is a large hillock covering some14100 square metres (over three acres) and is 36 metres (118 feet) in height. Climbing the hill, you will find a number of historical sites some of which can be traced back over 2500 years to the founding of Suzhou. Although the hill is relatively small it has rich history.

Yesterday was a perfect day for Tiger Hilling -the sun was shining, the trees still had some colour, it was about 15 degrees and gorgeous. Being a Monday afternoon the place wasn't packed with tourist and yeah... it was actually a really pleasant place to be! (which is kind of rare for tourist destinations in China in my opinion). I cannot believe it took me a whole year to get there, but well... better late than never, right?! If u drop by Suzhou u should definitely visit.

When we felt finished with the hill we jumped into a taxi and asked to be taken to a place where we could go for a canal boat ride... Me, not being a fan of guide books, maps or any other kind of useful preparations, simply engaged in a chat with the taxi driver and...ta-daaaaaaam! He took us straight to a canal place, localed in a small, cosy lane area. (close to Shi Lu 石路) There we took a 40 min canal ride before we grabbed a taxi back to my hood in SIP.

I sent our visitors for massage and indulged in some me-time, before more or less passing out on my bed. Being a tourist ain't no boat ride, it's kind of exhausting if you would ask me?! Also because of all the haggling u have to do at those tourist spots? Every time my visitors wants to buy something I have to step in and tell the sales woman (who normally gets this light glowing in her eyes when she sees my visitors, armed with cameras, and notices that they don't speak a lick of Chinese) to stop bullshitting (100 kuai for a pillow case?! I don't think so!) and give me some real prices. Gosh, how much would they spend if I wasn't with them?! Too scary to even think about.

Anyways, today they are going shopping (with my bf -hehe!) meanwhile I will do some work in Shanghai. Sightseeing is kind of fun, but not every single day.

Waterholes of fake stuff

Due to the fact that we have had visitors here since early Friday, I have been neglecting everything I normally do on wknds, including: running the Shanghai marathon/ writing loads of blog posts/ studying 100 new Chinese characters... (ehum. Yes, of course, EVERY SINGLE wknd) Instead, I have indulge in some serious eating, shopping, and bar hopping.

I guess it is quite lucky that not ALL of my friends from back home are attracted by China and want to visit. Because then I would probably ruin myself. U see, one of my problems is that when I see other people shop/ make clothes at the tailor market, I get so inspired that I want to buy/make things for myself too... and from there it normally just goes downhill. Anyways, this time I managed to control myself quite well, but I still came home with a new cardigan, top, dress.... as well as 68648763294868364 Christmas gifts (my friends, family and relatives are going to be spoiled this year!)

The only dark cloud on a (otherwise quite) clear blue sky, is the fact that visitors always wants to go to my center of dislike: the fake market on Nanjing Xi Lu. I don't know why, but every visitor that comes here seems to have this urge to see mass productions of fake LV handbags. In order to be a nice host we always end up going there, with me doing my best to try to ignore the sounds of people yelling 'bags, bags, watch, bags bags', lightly pulling my arm and pushing me towards their store. There are not words enough to express how much I despise fake gods (especially the handbags.. I get shivers every time I see a girl -or her boyfriend- walking around with a large bag on her/his shoulder that says 'PRADA' in big, bold letters so that everyone can see it. Who does s/he think s/he is kidding? Does ANYONE actually believe it is real these days??), so walking at this market is a kind slow torture to me. It's a shame as well that all those bloody bags have big brand names written all over them, because if they didn't some of them might have actually been nice. But I would never want to walk around with a fake Gucci, and I would never spend 649823648963 kuais on a real one either, so... I guess me luxury brands, fake or real, simply don't match.

But, being a nice travel host, I suffer in silence and make it my mission to make sure the visitor isn't paying too much. Crazy how hard it can be sometimes to get a low price at those places though?! I guess it has something to do with the fact that a conversation at the face market between a vendor and a tourist often goes something like this:

Tourist: Oh, how much is this Prada bag?

Vendor: It is real leather, and good quality... to other people I would sell it for (pushing her calculator for a while, with a concentrated, yet friendly face expression) this... (showing the calculator, which says 2,600 or something insane like that) but because you are such a beautiful lady (yeah, unless u didn't know.. all lao wais turn into 'beautiful ladies' at the fake market... I think they have actually called my bf/dad a 'beautiful lady' once too....) I will give you a special price... (plays with the calculator for a while again before she shows it)... here you go: 2000 kuai.
Tourist: That is too expensive..
Vendor: so you give me your best price, how much would you like to pay....?
Tourist (thinking desperately.. hm.. how much should I drop?? Didn't the guide book tell me something like 50-70%? But that is still quite expensive.. OK, I will try) How about 300?
Vendor: 300?! You must be joking! Lady! This is not possible. 300 is IMPOSSIBLE. You have to give me a little bit more, please... no joking! Come on, you are my friend... I can give you a special price like this... (calculator gets played with again), 1,500 kuai.

.....and you can just guess the rest.

The vendor drops a few hundreds and the tourist adds a few hundreds and they meet somewhere in between at 500 kuai! For some fake, shit, bag?! Insane!

So then when someone else comes and tried to buy it for 50 kuai (which is what I would say it would be worth), it really IS impossible to get it, as the vendors know they can sell it for a more expensive price to a tourist...

....Although who am I to complain? I have to say that I sort of admire those vendors for their patience, their ability to act really upset ('that is IMPOSSIBLE!!'), and the amount of running they do every day, especially when a customer tries the whole 'walk away method' in order to get her price, and the vendor has to run after the customer and tell her that 'OK, OK, you can get it'.

Yesterday we went to Hongqiao Pearl Market instead of the Nanjing market, as I was keen to see something new, and I have to say I felt a tad bit less worse than I normally feel at these markets. First of all, this market wasn't so crowded, and didn't have so much fake stuff, and a lot of the vendors where actually quite... normal?! Since I never shop at these places I see it as an opportunity to practice my Chinese with bored vendors waiting for customers, and I actually made a friend there yesterday. A cute young girl who told me about her dream of moving to Suzhou and opening a shop there. Once she realized I wasn't going to buy her fake Armani belts she relaxed a bit, went and got me a chair and then we sat and chatted for 30 minutes while my visitors engaged in a lot of haggling in some other shop. At the end we had exchanged phone numbers, cooking recipes and friendly pats on each other shoulders and I promised to come and visit soon again... as she promised she would never try to sell me one thing, ever. It was kind of cool.

Anyone else who has an ayi who's collecting wine corks?

I normally get along well with our ayi, so what happened last Wednesday comes as a bit of a shock to me.

We'd left our heart-shaped wine stopper on the table, and don't ask me why, but for some reason she must have thought she cork was garbage that has been stuck to a wooden heart-shaped piece... because this is what she left us with:



(She must have used some serious powers to remove that cork. Leaves me kind of heartbroken -both for her and for our precious wine stopper)

The question she left us with....: WHY?
As usual, I have my own theories:

1. She collects wine corks.
2. She hates wine corks (as a result of seeing too many of them since she is mainly cleaning expat's flats) and at the sight of one she wants to throw it away.
3. She is still upset about me yelling out cleaning orders to her 2 weeks ago.

Lesson learned: avoid cork wine stoppers in China. Or, hide them from you ayi.

Since we are on the ayi subject... the other wknd I had dinner with a big group of Scandos in Shanghai, and I was kind of surprised to hear that their ayis are making more than my young Chinese friends working for state-owned companies.... At least considering how much those people are paying their ayis: some paid 4000/month for full-time, live-in-ayi (who has not rent and no food costs. This must be the ideal ayi deal!), some pay 1000kuai/month for an ayi that comes and cleans their flat 3 times a week (for 3-4 hours at time). As the conversation went on I started to feel like a really cheap bastard and sank down in my chair, desperately hoping that no one would ask me how much we pay our ayi.... seeing that we only pay her 400 kuai/month and she comes 3 times/week a la 2hours/time.

Then, I spoke to my Taiwanese friend who has an Ayi 5days/week for 2 hours/day. She cleans, shops and makes him food for 250 kuai/month..

....and then I felt a tiny weeny bit better.

Who wears the pants?

Kind of a strange story that I have to share with you....

One of my Chinese friends got a job for a German company about 2 years ago. When she started the management was a bunch of German men (and one lonely woman), most of them in their late 40ies or 50ies, with a family tucked into a safe, typical lao wai complex in Hongqiao, or, back in Germany. The CEO was around 58. He didn't have his family with him in China, and apparently he must have gotten a bit lonely, because it didn't take long before my friend discovered that the young, Chinese woman that her boss used to bring along at company parties and events, weren't only a 'keeping-the-boss-company-lady', but in fact his mistress.

So the story goes... and it didn't take long before the mistress started showing up more and more often. Unexpected visits to the office. Long lunches. The boss seemed to enjoy it so my friend kept her mouth shut, silently thinking of the little wifey back in Germany.

Then... the mistress' belly started growing... and whoopsydaisy. Suddenly there was a situation. Old German guy was set to be a daddy again. He decided that one wife was enough and divorced his old wife in Germany, to focus on setting up a new life with his 20-something-mistress in Shanghai. The new wife was over the moon.

The couple got married and had a baby. Everything seemed sugar sweet and my friend was actually happy that the sneaky mistress business had ended and that they now were an official couple... until... the new wife started paying the office frequent visits.

First, she came to check in on her beloved husband after work. Since my friend often worked overtime she often met the girl, who would question her presence in the office.

-Aren't you skilled enough to finish your work during your normal working hours? She would say.

My friend started to dislike the girl, who only was 2-3 years older than her and whose new 'guts' obviously came from her being married to the big boss.

The comments continued, and suddenly the visits started to become a daily thing. All in front of the boss/husband, who was happy to let his wife enter the company's office, and boss around his staff. My friend (and her workmates) couldn't do anything about it. They had to be nice to the girl as she was the wife of their boss. Eventually, they also had to take orders from her.

When my friend told me this story I sat with my mouth wide open. What boss lets his WIFE walk around and yell out orders to his staff?! And why would you even want to do that? It makes so little sense to me. Is he really that whipped?! Talk about having lost your pants and put on the longest skirt in the family... and talk about disrespecting your staff?!

My friend hates the situation so much she is considering finding a new job, although with the credit crunch and everything, the timing sort of sucks. Still, I am so amazed that this German boss is letting it all happen in front of his eyes. I don't think a similar situation would ever be able to take place if they were working in Germany, because I don't think he would allow his German wife to do the same thing.

But the situation is making me wonder: is this happening because: 1.They are in China and things that would never happen in Europe often happen here, and therefore he is turning a blind eye to it. 2. Chinese wives are much more powerful than their husband over here. 3. He is simply and sadly, mega whipped.
Or, is it a combination of all of them?

Obviously my friend doesn't dare to tell her boss how bad she feels every time the wife is giving her narky comments, as she's scared she'll lose her job.